You guys probably get tired of me repeating myself, but you seem to want to continue to think of your W being.....shall I say "normal"? Don't think of her like that b/c it only causes you a truck load of more hurt.
I would like to back up to something that was said.....I guess my Stuck. I suppose it didn't jump out to me until it was quoted in the last post. I may not be understanding the way it was meant, but want to make sure of something here. I don’t believe a WAW spends time at detaching. She doesn’t have to “work” at detaching like you have to work at detaching from her. The reason she is a WAW is a result of a very long time of hurt, anger, resentment and unfulfilled needs...but it is not b/c she spent time trying to detach. There wasn’t any work involved. As a LBH, you have to struggle being detached and it feels very far from normal…..but she did not have to work at it. Now, I do think she has to work at getting the attached feelings back for her H. Seems right opposite, doesn’t it? That may be where some confusion is coming for couples. I can tell you that a WAW does not have any desire to “work” at feeling in love for her H. Of courseshe wants in love feelings to just happen, b/c she desires to have all those romantic novel, heart racing experiences with a man. One reason she spends so much time fantasizing about somebody else’s grass being greener is b/c she stopped feeling that toward her H and felt empty and wanted to feel excited again.
That is one reason that it is so important to get the LBH to see how it is mostly up to him to do what he can to cause her to be attracted to him again. It is much harder than before you dated her and was trying to get her interested, isn’t it? Staying attached takes work……becoming detached happens when the work stops.
So, anyway, I hope I didn’t make it more muddy to understand….lol.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
