Jimbo- FYI, your comments are REALLY helping me keep my sanity. So ... thanks.
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Just a sec- who said anything about stopping fighting? When you "just let stuff go and walk away", you are simply taking the campaign to a different "battlefield". One that you have the high ground on.
I think in my frustration this came out wrong. I don't want to give up, I just want to walk away from the convo when I should. I even hear the voice in my head saying, "ok, shut up now. Just go." But it is hard when I think it is my only chance to talk. Maybe that's what I need to rethink. I think THAT is my fear, that she'll just disappear. Which has happened before and not out of character for her.
The truck thing has me all tweaked out today. I get the distinct impression that she's trying to protect herself at all costs. Getting D papers forces my hand financially. We HAVE to split everything up. She guarantees that she gets what she wants/needs through legal means. I may be mindreading a little here, but I've seen this before with her. She left her last husband. When came home and found her gone, he wiped her out financially. I came along shortly after him. I can see where she wouldn't trust anyone after going through that. The stupid part is that we don't have any disagreement about how to split stuff up. I just don't like the pace at which we're going and I don't trust her farther than I can throw her.
Her "I just think we need to get some logistical things taken care of first" has got me thinking - and I'm pretty sure I need to stop. I get that she's scared and I get that her history would indicate a vengeful ex-husband. But, we're not fighting over anything, unless I have something to be vengeful over. That's the part that sets me spinning. I know speculating isn't going to help me or her. I just don't like getting blindsided. So my mind is trying to figure out what would cause something like this kind of insanity. I seriously need to stop.
On a completely random semi-spiritual note ... I've had this line from a hymn in my head for two weeks.
Here I raise my Ebeneezer; Hither by thy help I've come And I hope, by thy good pleasure, Safely to arrive at home
For the uninitiated ... Basically, God tells Abraham to leave his home in Ur and go to the land He will give him, no directions, just go. So he packs his family and leaves Ur and heads west. He ends up in Israel where God says, here's the land I promised you. Only problem is that there is somebody else there. So Abraham heads to Egypt to return at a later date. Before he leaves, he plants this Ebeneezer stone - a giant stone that marks what will be the capital. Makes me want to plant a stone that says ... "This ain't over. I'll be back." Maybe in her front yard.
