My DB coach has said I need to stop bringing her up, but I'm not sure how you do that when you catch them in a lie.
My take is a little different than most around here on this subject. I don't think you go "looking for trouble," as it were, and proactively bring up OW all the time. BUT . . . .
You DO unequivocally let the wayward spouse know immediately -- and a few times along the way -- that you in no way are willing to live in an open marriage.
and,
When they say something to you that you know for a FACT is a lie, I advise people to put their hand up in the "stop" position and say "STOP IT. We both know you're lying to me right now, and it's incredibly disrespectful to me and our marriage." (" . . . and our family" is also good, where appropriate).
No, you don't go around beating them over the head with their affair, but you DO call it what it is when it comes up, and you DON'T stand there and tolerate them lying to your face.
