And, for an even bigger kick in the head, those changes could theoretically run the risk of being counterproductive.
After all, I'm making all these changes to address the shortcomings in my now-dead marriage. What if That Which WAW Disliked proves to be the same set of characteristics that the Next Mrs. SP would otherwise like?
Fascinating stuff, SP -- this is why I always try to stop by your thread, its lack of popcorn (or even a decent-sized box of Goobers) notwithstanding.
It really is a part of DB dogma (and, like most dogma, it doesn't really get challenged) that "the things one needs to do to try to save THIS marriage, will -- worst-case -- make you a better partner in your NEXT relationship."
And, as you point out, "Well . . . maybe."
I mean, if I'm a lousy listener and a lousy lay, then yeah -- that's going to manifest itself in my future relationships if I don't work on those things. Ditto for being over-controlling, or over supplicating. But what of more subjective qualities, like being "romantic?" What one woman may see as being "too feminine," another might find incredibly refreshing, no?
