New home, new beginnings

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Julia,

I'm not sure what to advice.. except, at this stage, I think its best you follow your heart and do what yuo feel is right for yuo and your sitch. Just go for it.. whats the worst that can happen? He says no and makes a lame excuse.. then you could say, fine, no worries! How about lunch next week and that cake?

As for what you said here...
"I would doubt very much that ow knows of our relationship. Jody said to me that as he doesn't mention her to me, I could be pretty sure he wasn't mentioning me to her. He never talks about her to me she is never mentioned. He talks in 'I' not 'we'. She must know we have contact because of the house but I don't know the extent. I have a feeling that may serve me well in time though."

I have had some discussions with my bf, for me, but also, with you all in mind.

He told me that he never talked to ow about me. That she didnt really ask, but when she did, I got the strong impressoin that he basically, barely answered and ended the convo, didnt want to discuss me with her. I asked him about the (one) phonecall in 3 months at Christmas.. no ow didnt know about that. About my present he sent.. no, he didnt tell her (he then looked guilty) and did she know about hte one I sent him? No, he said he hid it. I said, that was sneaky ! He looked all like a naughty schoolboy and said, yes it was a bit wasnt it.. So basically, Jody was right (and my intuition).. that I had become the ow and she had no idea about our contact or what I meant to him, until he dumped her! (poor Helen hey).

So your intuition is probably right too. If that is the case, weekends COULD be tricky for him, as you are likely to be his secret and he wont be letting her know how much, if at all, contact you have.

This is of course all guesswork, but I just feel that he is likely not telling her at all.

On the point "should I step back?" - no. My wise old Mum said to me, after this long apart and him seeing someone else, you have to keep the golden threads alive between you. What did you used to connect over..music say, send him a link to something fab fron Glasto, or a funny review.. etc.. or invite him to see a band, say you are going anwyay.. but do it with no pressure, or expectation.

So for you too.. after all thats gone on and where you find yourselves, I think somehow, you have to keep up LIGHT and neutral contact. I did with my then ex and contact gradually increased until he questioned his R with ow and ultimately, dumped her. I know I am one of the lucky ones, but what do you have to lose by being a bit brave?? And I am AMAZED he texted you an apology, thats great!!

Al xxx