K4D Rising #4

[K4D]

Stuck,

What I meant is I am not bugging W anymore. I am giving her the space she needs. I completely leave her alone now. I was very cheerful and confident last night when I picked up the kids even in the face of seeing her not give a crap that I am there.

She had mentioned earlier that she had let down her guard and it was a mistake because I brought up MC after she told me she was going to finish the D.

Now her guard is back up and has been ever since. Another stupid mistake on my part. I won't do that again and I haven't done it since. But contact is now limited to the exchange of the kids for pushing that.

But I got the message loud and clear. She cannot say that I am a problem for her anymore. I need to become a benefit to her now. But I can only do that by benefiting myself first.

I'm not going to got through the list of things again I have been doing. I am doing stuff other than just hanging out with friends.

I have enough self esteem to know that I could find someone else. But I am not looking to find someone else. I guess my self esteem does come into question when it comes to attracting W back after all the horrid mistakes I have made.

25,

Thank you for the prayer. And yes, I do pray each day that God changes me to be the Christian man, husband and father that I need to be. It is not at all relegated to just changing my W's heart.

I ask for strength, wisdom, guidance and to personally change me and do whatever it takes to change me so that my M can be restored and under God. I also pray for other standers and my family and friends, etc. I thank God for what he has blessed me with and I ask for forgiveness for the things I have done wrong among other things. I pray that he be with my kids each day and give them strength and guide them.

But yes, I need to bring more to the table. So I am working on that. I am exploring new things. I like to cook. I like learning how to dance. I like excercising and going on hikes. I'm not much of a TV watcher unless it is sports. But I have been getting back into movies with FaithfulH and I am enjoying those. I do a lot of listening to and reading of the bible. I prayed for some time that God would lead me to the church I should be at and I think he has. To my surprise W hasn't really met me with any resistance to it like I thought she would. She doesn't want anything to do with it. But she hasn't threatened me like she did months ago.

I also fast, but I do not telling anyone when I am as that is supposed to be private between me and God.

I have to get my inspection done on my car this weekend. I can't forget that again.

Kevin