I want my Monkey and Sheep Back

[beepee]

Call them and ask if the position has been filled yet.

I emailed them a few days ago to thank them for meeting with me and that I looked forward to hearing from them but didn't hear anything back. I'm just going to go ahead with sending out more resumes to every single possible job opening!!


So I have to get some thoughts out of my head. I'm having a really difficult day today. I don't know why. Maybe the heat is getting to me. I've been laying around doing absolutely nothing. At one point, I was just standing in the middle of the room, looking at the floor. That scares me. It really, really scares me.

I'm really angry at H. So unbelieveably angry. For putting me through this, for leaving me behind to deal with everything. Why did he marry me? What happened to the vows? This room is still filled with a lot of his stuff. I don't know what to do with it. There's clothes, all of his precious old photos, cameras, coats, shoes, etc etc. I know that his photos mean everything to him, why doesn't he come get it or something. I'm certainly not going to send it to him. But I know why he won't come get it. He doesn't want to come back here. And he doesn't want to see me so I can't go into town to meet him.

So what do I do with all of his stuff when I move? Do I bring everything that belongs to him with me? Or do I throw it away? I certainly can't keep everything here at my parents. They will not tolerate his stuff being here as they do not like him one bit for what he's done and would definitely throw everything of his away. But when I move, I can't bring everything of his with me. There's too much. And I don't want to throw his stuff away because it's HIS stuff and it would also make me sad. But I can't keep it forever. I've mentioned all of his stuff here that he needs to get but he ignores it everytime. WHY?? Does he not want his stuff!! I can leave it in a box outside somewhere if he wants, he doesn't have to see me! ARGH. Why is he being so ridiculously selfish. He did this with the phone, I gave him so much time to tell me what he wanted to do with the phone and he wouldnt say so I ended up canceling it so I don't have to pay for HIS phone, and he ends up giving me a guilt trip. WTF.

Why is he being so selfish?? He's like an angry child. Won't answer any questions, won't talk to you, gives the silent treatment, and then gets angry and makes you feel bad when you do something they don't like even though they didn't want to talk to you about it (ie the phone). He's just running away from his problems. He always does that. He hates confrontation. He hates conflict and shoves it under the rug every single time. This is his marriage!! He can't run away from this. And if he does .. and is, he's being a complete coward.

I'm trying to understand, I'm trying to forgive, I'm trying not to get angry but its so hard when you try to be nice and you get nothing back. I'm sick of it all. I just want to be rid of this. Rid of this childish behavior. He's 37 for fecks sake, he should act like it.