Hello everyone. I'm doing better w/out my dog. It is difficult to be in the apartment w/out him, but I'm not dumping tears as often anymore. He's playing at "Rainbow Bridge" and that does give me comfort. I'll see him soon.
On the GF front, we're in a weird spot, but I'm pretty sure we'll be able to make it through. She's been under an incredible amount of pressure and while she did get a very favorable decision on custody and child care, she's still struggling w/all of the crap she dealt w/from her ex.
She had a breakdown this weekend and we're now at the stage where she is focusing on getting herself straightened out before we can continue to move forward and begin to get more serious. So, I'm stepping back and giving her all the space and time that she needs.
Thus, there is a chance she'll not want to continue w/me any more in time, but although that is scary b/c I'm really, really falling for her, I don't think that will be the end result. I've been able to figure out that I'm the first, real, genuine, normal, and nice guy she's been with, so she's very, very afraid to take the next leap.
Her good friend told me that she's in love w/me, but just doesn't know how to show it right now. GF wants to get her "head straight" so she can give all of herself to me and us.
So, for now, I'm stepping back. I told her I'll give her the time and space and wait for her and since then, I've not done any contacting of her at all. I've let her initiate all of our talks, and she's contacted me several times w/both trivial and serious items.
I brought her food yesterday and she initiated kissing me when I was leaving and she did the same thing this morning when I saw her as well (her dog got out and I popped by to see if I could find him and surprisingly found her at home).
Anyway, I'm not lingering, but simply doing what I've gone over to do and leaving. Both times, she's been the one to come to me and kiss and hug me as I'm leaving, so I've got to take this as a sign that all of her feelings are still intact toward me and all I need to do is step back and give her the space and time she needs.
I think I'm reading this right, but I'm just a stupid guy and not a lady.
Anyway, that is what is going on for me. My GF is struggling, but in order for us to move our R forward, these are things she has to work out on her own.
So, there may be several days, weeks, or months of "unknown" R status, but in the end, I do think she wants to be w/me too and ultimately, I'm hoping that she and I will be "back on track" and this time will just be a minor bump in the road.
On the other side, if we end up separating, I'll be sad for a bit as I do see the beauty in GF and do feel I've captured a bolt of lightening in a bottle and don't want to let it go.
However, I've learned life is way too short to stop and end things if we don't make it long-term. I'll be sad, but I'll be able to get up quickly and move forward again.
But for now, I will stay patient, positive, and loving toward her in any way she needs it right now and let it all fall into its place.
Ultimately, things do happen for a reason and it is all in God's hands anyway. So, I'll put my trust in Him and go from there.
