Well, today should be interesting. W is going to tender her resignation from her job today. I think that is best for her - her supervisor sounds like a pretty unreasonable and rude person who is creating a bad environment for W (W is pretty tough so the fact she cannot deal with this any longer speaks volumes about her supervisor). W was upbeat this morning - I sensed a feeling of coming relief for her.
W will continue ot look for a job, but we all know what that market looks like right now. It will be tight, but we will manage. I think approached the right way, this could actually help pull us closer. Time to step up and lead - but not in a way that she could perceive as me dominating or being a jerk.
One thing I am going to watch carefully is the impact this may have on her self esteem and general attitude. She has (IMHO) always placed too much importance on her job as a form of identifying who she is. I take the approach that I work to live, not live to work. My career is important, but it is not WHO I am.
Anyone have any thoughts on the potential impact upon W's mindset?
Hey GIMA, been wondering if you could stop by my sitch and offer your insights on my last couple posts. I seem to be detaching a bit more.
On your post above, I had been reading it, and wondering what your looking to watch her reaction so closely for? My immediate feeling was you were going to try and fix or react to how she handle's quitting her job. I think you need to be careful there, and only validate how she feels, IF she opens up to you on it.
Quote:
She has (IMHO) always placed too much importance on her job as a form of identifying who she is. I take the approach that I work to live, not live to work. My career is important, but it is not WHO I am.
Is that just for us DB forum posters to understand your wife a bit? I worry that's a sign of you looking at 'fixing' your W the way she looks at her career based on how you approach your career...
Hopefully I am just over analyzing your post, but wanted to post to you on it how I felt after reading it.. :o)
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Your observations are noted, but I am not going to try to solve any of her problems. I want to be aware of any changes in her attitude/comments/demeanor b/c I want to understand the potential causes (note I said potential - b/c that's as far as my trying to figure that out goes). If it is potentially due to job, then I can better understand, validate b/c I am not the likely cause of those feelings.
As far as the way she feels about her career, that is just for the folks here. I will only bring this up with her (later in the future if there is a future for "us") if it gets out of hand.
Just dropping a line to say hello. I had a blast this weekend...three rounds of golf. Good luck with your W this evening...it will be very interesting to see how she responds to her resignation.
Best wishes...LFH
ME: 38 W: 35 D2.5 and S5 Married 12 years Separated (same house, different rooms) INILWYAM by W: 4/16/2009 The day W requested a D: 4/17/2009
She likes going out to dinner and she likes cooking. I thought a cooking class (one night thing) would be a good idea - I just don't want to come on too strong. Too much?
Start small and keep trying, if it works keep it. My Greek FIL has a saying' "the camel's nose is in the tent." Meaning once he gets his nose in eventually his whole body will be in. Make it her choice to participate or not, "there is a new bistro that just opened. I want to try it out, I have heard good things. How does dinner on Friday sound to you?" If she says no go with a buddy.
Start slow and steady to keep moving down the process. Be prepared for setbacks and tests. Get your groove on.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I think I felt my groove last night at the dinner party thing. W did not save a place for me to sit down next to her - no big deal. I went to the other end of the table - where there were a gaggle of women. I had my good stink on and was wearing (for the first time) a white linen shirt my W bought for me a while back. Flirted with the women on my end of the table (while W flirted with the married 70 somethin yr old man next to her). One woman next to me flirted back - and touched my shoulder.
Anyway, the point is for the first time in a while, a long while, I felt confident in a social setting. For the first time in a LONG while, I knew I looked good - working out is paying off. New cologne, new shirt. Yep.
I had lunch today with a friend, very good friend actually, who is my S's Godfather. He and his W are having some issues, but no one is talking about leaving. He is actually the one who needs changes from his wife.
Update on W's job sitch. She turned in her resignation today. no updates from her this afternoon (no big deal cuz NO EXPECTATIONS) so I did not how it went for her until I got home. I walked in the door and was in a good mood. First thing she said (after I kissed my D5) was "well, how was your day" in a sarcastic tone (but I could tell it wasn't directed at me). I said it was good.
Since she hadn't updated me on her afternoon, I was not going to ask jer how it went. Cuz that's how I roll these days - if she wants me to know, she'll tell me. So, I went to my room and changed to go work out.
Went back to the front of the house where family was and put my running shoes on. W made small talk. No W, I'm not gonna ask how your day went. I suppose she couldn't stand it anymore, b/c she just told me how it went. After she opened that door, I then asked questions. Kids were right there so I could not ask some things.
I went and had a great workout then back home for dinner with the family. Was a great dinner. Everyone relaxed and joking a lot. W seems good - I can see it in her face and body language that a great deal of pressure has been lifted off of her. Don't know what, if anything, this will mean for "us.". But, for now, there seems to be peace in the valley.
Earlier today, I made reservations for W and I at a restaurant I wanted to try. I think I will wait until later in the week to ask W if she wants to go so the dust from her job sitch can settle.
Normally, W not updating me with something like this would make me angry. Not today. I just had no expectations of her and thought it was her loss if she did not want to rely on me if she had the need to do so.
Feeling good about things and W seems to be opening up a little. So, I'm expecting her to pull back soon. Just have to see.
