Forgive AND forget?

[BeingMe]

Aw, that is so brilliant! Brought tears to my eyes. As wonderful a thing you did for those kids, I bet you got more out of it in seeing how they blossomed around your horses.

[faithisbelieving]

It's called RAK's...random acts of kindness. It's those small things that we remember through life....like, George, the ice cream man, who let me pull the rope and ring the bells on the Good Humor truck. George.......I remember him.

Hugging a horse...goes a long way.

FIB

[WCW]

Thanks Andabelle, VH, BM, FIB. I love being able to use my horses to bring joy to me and others.
FIB, thought of you the other day when I downloaded a desktop Easy button. lol

Yesterday one of my 'helpers' had her 15th birthday. I loaded up horses again and took her and 2 other girls on a trail ride along the State River, we rode out on the sand dunes, had a little lunch. She said it was the best birthday present she could ever get. Pretty cool!

On the H front - we get along, we do more things socially together, but I always feel he keeps me an arm length away. I wrestle to decide if I should initiate an R talk, take a pulse again. When the timing feels right...

[faithisbelieving]

...send me that link....please.

Uh...R talk?????????? Think about that first...lest you hear what you don't want to hear.......and return to GO (do not collect $200)

FIB

[WCW]

That link, yeah, so Easy even I could do it! ha!

R talk - my version doesn't necessarily mean sit down for hours and have a heart to heart. I know that rarely works with my H anymore. I do it in bits and pieces when the timing feels right. It seems he is better at 'releasing' bits and pieces and I do better at recovering from what he discloses. Time is still my friend.

BUT -

Uh...R talk?????????? Think about that first...lest you hear what you don't want to hear.......and return to GO (do not collect $200)

after 6 years I am ready to hear and keep proceeding to get this part of my life and M behind me. Even if it means not staying together with H, and he knows that. He also knows that is not what I want. Either way, together or apart, I am in for a lot of tough stuff yet.

I had a brief flashback of rage while meeting with an insurance agent about problems with policies from when H was hurt and the transition from the policies being autopaid for us. It goes back to the darkest period for our M = 2004 - 2006, H has tried but unsuccessfully dealt with it and 3 years later has included me to help. There was a handwritten letter but it wasn't H's writing, although it was his signature. Slight panic disbelief rage when I thought it was ows writing, but then I realized it was the agent. How easy it still is to disbelieve!

What I think I need to concentrate on is the fact that these little things are works in progress and being taken care of and we discuss and address some of our issues. We also had some physical closeness. Yes, baby steps.

[WCW]

OMG, I can hardly wipe the smile off my face!
I was waiting for mail to arrive that I need to include in paperwork for that event I had a couple weeks ago, the deadline to get it sent in is here!
H knew I was waiting, sent me a txt that it came today. I replied and asked if he was coming thru my work town today. He said he would run it in. It was lunch time when he got here. My coworkers encouraged me to ask him if he was taking me to lunch. I asked, H joked with me, and we went to lunch together. This is the first time in YEARS that we have lunched together. Sweet!

Brace myself for the big withdrawal from H now but they don't seem as bad as they were, OR it's just me dealing with it better.

Another thing I forgot to journal. I've been watching the calendar for marriage seminars. There was one nearby last weekend but I haven't felt it was right yet to ask H about attending something, probably just wishful thinking that I will ask. Turns out a guy from work went last weekend and was suprised when I knew the name of the event. He said he and his W went as a marriage refresher to be better communicators. He was shocked at the couples there in so much trouble. Good thing my H and I weren't there to surprise him even more! LOL

[kat727]

Oh, that does sound good. I would be happy too. Only you are going to know when it feels right, sadly no magic calander with the date suddenly appearing(darn). LOL

I am hoping the progress, even though gradual, continues.

kat

[BeingMe]

How wonderful to go to lunch with your H, WCW. My H and I used to do that a lot when we worked close by, years ago. It was fun to try out all the little restaurants --- we lived in a much bigger city then, but now we're in a 80,000 population city and don't have the luxury of variety.

Anyway, I am glad he took you to lunch, and that he is including you in the insurance stuff. Hope he doesn't go into a withdrawal. Nice that he texted you when that letter you were waiting for arrived.

Take care.

[faithisbelieving]

Positive is better than negative. Lunch is better than no lunch. The opposite of love is indifference and I don't see that here. Only you can see your cowboy's face..hear his voice inflections....interpret his emotions.

If your intuition worked in your past, go with your gut.

FIB

[WCW]

The opposite of love is indifference

There was years in the middle since this started and that is exactly how it seemed. H never asked - what I did, how I felt, where I went, what I was doing - I mean never. The things I got away with!!!

It seems to be coming back a piece at a time, we both spent the majority at home or together, folks stopping by, I saw him interact and smile a lot. We even formed a plan for next weekend already even though we are both going opposite directions. I think the guards and fences and brick walls are coming down...mine and his.

My problem - when do I trust again? not just if he is out having an affair. But if this is really happening or if he's just biding him time until his messy finances are back on track. Oh btw, I stopped asking earlier this year but he finally contributed towards the mortgage again this month.