Divorce not busted 2

[Sara]

I think that would be lovely.

[mulesqb]

Hey Orich - Just got to the computer for the first time since Friday. What great news!!! So happy for you bro. Obviously you are doing something right. So just wanted to offer you support to keep on keeping on. You're doing great.

A nice dinner sounds like a great idea. At this point- trust your instincts.

Strength and Honor.

Mules

[JKL2009]

Keep a level head, probably still more bumps in the road but sounds great that it is heading in a positive direction.

[Orich]

Im sure there will be bumps ahead, such as what I posted earlier, the fact that she sees her IC tomorrow night, and her IC has been helping her to move on after divorcing me. It was after her last session with her IC that she wrote that devastating letter to me.
But I saw the doubt in her mind, the hesitation. It exists.
She once made mw sit through a movie called "The Notebook". The general premise is that there is an elderly man trying to get his wife to remember him by reading a diary she kept. He would read it over and over again, and once in a while she would remember him. Then, shortly afterwards, she would forget again, and he would try all over again. Their grown children try to dissuade him from doing this, fearing he is wasting what is left of his own life. I feel like him a little bit here. I DB and GAL and LRT, even to the point of people telling me to stop, it isn't worth the effort, she is already gone. But then I get those moments, those flashes of my W the way I remember her, loving, joyful, happy to be with me. Usually, they don't last long. But they are there, therefore I cannot give up trying.

[sandi2]

Hi Orich, I had memories to flood back when you spoke of going to your parents and your W feeling uncomfortable. When my H and I were much younger, I tried to S from him for a short time. His family were all talking about me and our stitch. As soon as I went back home to him, guess where he wanted to go? I felt so tense and like everyone in his family were staring at me and judging me. It was really hard and I don't think he thought about it for a minute. I even asked him not to make me go over there, and he said he's support me......yeah, okay....but "how" would he show support? He didn't say anything or do anything to show his support. Anyway.....sure made those old memories come back reading your post.

I was praying about you and your W today b/c I have this picture of the two of you in my mind. I see this couple who love each other and are struggling…each in their own way. Orich, I treated my H so badly when I was in my WAW mode. He didn’t deserve how I treated him anymore than you deserve what your W is doing to you. She is so confused and trying to work things out in her mind & spirit. I know you love her greatly to put up with what you have. I hope you can endure longer. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment, but don’t lay all hope down. Does that make sense? For an example…don’t expect the anniversary dinner to do some magical thing to your W and her change back to who she use to be before all of this started. However, you can hope that the dinner will be a baby step to the road back. Men seem to forget how long it took their WAW to get where she is now and that it will take a long time for her to heal. She has a lot of work to do on the inside that you won’t be able to help her with, b/c I am not so sure it has everything to do with “you”. I think she has to come to terms within herself about her life and what she really wants. I often find myself kind of torn over these stories about M with a WAW. I get angry at the WAW for how she’s hurt her family, but at the same time I know how she feels and some of the stuff that got her where she is.
I won’t give up hoping and praying for you and this stitch. I have a good feeling about it. Don’t let those road barriers scare you off if you see them crop up from time to time, okay?

[Orich]

Sandi, thank you so much for your posts. They are always inspirational. I am guardedly optimistic. I refuse to give up hope, but am prepared for the worst.
Thank you so much for your interest, and your prayers!

[The Wifey]

But I saw the doubt in her mind, the hesitation. It exists.
I DB and GAL and LRT, even to the point of people telling me to stop, it isn't worth the effort, she is already gone. But then I get those moments, those flashes of my W the way I remember her, loving, joyful, happy to be with me. Usually, they don't last long. But they are there, therefore I cannot give up trying.

That is it in a nutshell. No one can tell you to stop. You make your choice, one way or another, and you live your choice.

Recognize that you are choosing uncertainty, but know this, no one has any more guarantee than you do. Even the couples that think they have a guarantee do not. We all did at one point.

Butterfly wings. They exist and they are real.

[Orich]

My choosing when to stop trying to save my M is one of the few things I have control over. It is my choice. I know what I can and can't deal with. If I keep trying, and ultimately it doesn't work, well, I did ALL I could. I wouldn't be able to say what if I did this, or I should have tried that. If it does work, then the reward obviously outweighs any pain experienced during the trying. And another thing, life isn't always easy, in any aspect. Pain is part of life. I can experience pain, get through it, and indeed use it to better myself. I don't know if that makes sense. It's a self-sacrifice thing. I will endure the pain in order that W and I will eventually be happy. All these ups and downs that I am experiencing really can add up to where I feel like I've been beaten up. But like a boxer in the ring, I will continue to get up after each knock-down. Then, I will decide when to leave the ring.
Kinda rambling, but it was just some stuff running through my head.

[The Wifey]

And if you think of all the years you have left in your life, it gives you the perspective that you have time. Time is a good thing.

[Gardener]

My choosing when to stop trying to save my M is one of the few things I have control over. It is my choice. I know what I can and can't deal with. If I keep trying, and ultimately it doesn't work, well, I did ALL I could. I wouldn't be able to say what if I did this, or I should have tried that. If it does work, then the reward obviously outweighs any pain experienced during the trying. And another thing, life isn't always easy, in any aspect. Pain is part of life. I can experience pain, get through it, and indeed use it to better myself. I don't know if that makes sense. It's a self-sacrifice thing. I will endure the pain in order that W and I will eventually be happy. All these ups and downs that I am experiencing really can add up to where I feel like I've been beaten up. But like a boxer in the ring, I will continue to get up after each knock-down. Then, I will decide when to leave the ring.
Kinda rambling, but it was just some stuff running through my head.

O, allow me to be the first one up in the Virtual Standing Ovation that you deserve.

"I am leaving, I am leaving,
But the fighter still remains..."
S & G