Asks me if I've thought about Mediator, so we can get started after Family Vacation. (earlier this month she suggested we not even discuss it until after vacation). I started to say, "I disagree with this path I don't want it but I respect your decision and want you to be happy and I hope you'll respect me, who I am, when I tell you..." She interrupted before I could finish with "no mediator for me, do what you feel you must I won't stand in your way but I won't help you get the wheels in motion" She said, "You act like you think you're better than me because you say you want to work things out," (or words to that effect). I started to say my belief that with all we've learned, grown, etc., I don't want to reconcile, "make it better" but, rather have something wonderfully different. Discuss it, build it. "I did not leave! You made me leave. I had to leave for my health and my life! I was forced out!" [b]I told her that I've learned [/b]
Let her talk more and validate. Don't tell her what you want her to do ("respect me") Don't preach - "when I tell you," "my belief." Instead use phrases like, "I think/feel ...."
When she tells you what you think (you are better than me) then correct her on it. "No I don't think I am better than you. I think _______________." She also had a choice in leaving and has a choice in coming back her decisions which you don't control.
Gardener really look at and understand that how you say things matters. Your intentions were good but your execution was off. It's just one conversation, learn from it and keep moving forward. You can handle it.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
