I am not new to DB but haven't posted before. I have found a lot of support from reading other posts and feel like I am now stuck and could use some advice. Husband and I have been M for 9 years, together for almost 15. Have one son 6. H has addiction issues and June 2008 found our he was having EA. He said it was just friendship and refused to end rel'sp. I asked him to move out. Over last year he has spiraled down with addiction, leaning on "her" for support. I have been actively trying to DB, working with a coach. Very hard for me because all I want is my family back. H has said he is just trying to get healthy that he wants family back, but actions aren't consistent with that. Have found lots of hurtfull things between the two of them. Gave her jewelry, had her drive him to treatment and Dr. appt's, the list is too long to go through. She is married and her H doesn't have an issue with it, he is friends with H. Tried to be friends with both of them "keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer". On New Years Eve went to a party at their house with H and she wore necklace and bracelet he gave her. That was it in terms of being friends. In April I filed for legal separation to protect self and son because H was drinking and driving and accumulating debt. This seemed to be a wake up call in some ways. H started helping with things around house, fixing car, making dinner, saying ILY. Still no effort to spend time alone or be physical. About a month ago he passed out at my house and his phone kept going off so I checked it and it was "her" and I saw all kinds of texts back and forth between them that were just totally crazy, disfuntional, crap. Jealous about the other person spending time with spouse. She was mad my picture was on mantel at his apartment. Crazy stuff, clearly not "just friends". I lost it and said I was done. For next few days, H text back and forth asking what he could do and he would do anything. Told him 1)get into treatment counseling 2)stop all contact with her 3)get tattoo removed (he got wasted one night and got a tattoo that had to do with her). He said OK. All indications were he was headed in that direction. His dad came to town and we spent a lot of time as family which was great. Our interaction was really positive. Actually had physical contact...initiated by me, but at least he responded. Then found out he took dad to their house to meet them. I am so hurt and done at this point and unsure what to do. He won't sign legal separation paperwork. Says he doesn't want it and doesn't agree to terms. I did get house in my name. I am full of hope to a fault and keep getting sucked in and then let down. He says there is no contact and going up there was a one time thing. Says I don't understand what it's like to give something up, and they have been a major part of his life and been through a lot together. I don't believe a word he says. Tattoo is still there, he is starting counseling with addiction counselor this week. I am confused and could really use some advice. Things were going well, but as soon as I "caught" him with contact, now he is all distant and I am so tired of it all.
