I can't imagine what I want right now, I'm just so lost and confused, angry, betrayed, hopeless...
I've read both books and we actually went to Michele for a counseling session. After counseling that day I went to therapy, my husband watched a porn movie.
What does LRT stand for?
I don't plead or beg, I just try to explain in a calm, confident, positive voice when I talk with my H. Guess I should stop that...I don't think he's listening.
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
What about when they do return? Are they that different from before?
Don't hit the fast forward and wonder about when they return already. Different? Probably, and for the better.
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I have a program that shows when he reads it and he's read it a couple of times, the weird thing is, so has someone else.
No kidding? what program does that?
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I feel like I've lost everything and I never had a chance to try and 'fix' it because I didn't know what he was thinking and what he needed that I wasn't providing in our marriage. Please! Somebody give me some strength to go on...
I felt the same way. It seemed like one day my H just changed like flipping a light switch. I knew the week he changed but didn't understand why until 9 months later....ow. I still don't know what drove him to leave our M behind, he can't or won't clue me in on what I did or didn't do. You have to reach deep inside of yourself to find daily or hourly strength to keep on keeping on.
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My friends want me to file for divorce because they think it would be easier for me to move on with my life.
Of course! it's usually easier to cut and run than it is to wade thru problems. Will that fix your life?
Do keep an eye on the finances. Do get your name off of any joint accounts, or get his name off. It's not easy to get your name off joint cc, especially if there is a balance. By then it's too late...
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
We don't have any joint cc accounts, so that's good. Do they always spend money like crazy?
No, I don't want to cut and run, I want to listen to my heart and let my emotions calm down first. But, I do want to fast forward and have him return already, but I know he's not ready and neither am I. Just looking for the easy answers...
didtheyreadit.com is the program I use so I can tell if he's read my e-mail, how many times, where, etc.
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
But, I do want to fast forward and have him return already
Don't we all. But it is a long slow process. And it is good that you acknowledge that neither of you are ready yet. That means there is still work that needs to be done for it to be a successful restoration.
Keep working on the things you need to.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Some days I don't even want to get out of bed. I got prescribed Lexapro and the side effects were horrible. I'm waiting to see about something else, but I'm hesitant about meds. I journal every day and try to keep busy. It's hard because I don't have kids and I'm very lonely.
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
Get busy and get a purpose to your life. Volunteer! there's tons of places that need and want help. People shelters, dog shelters, highway cleanup, elderly assistance.
Get off the computer and go do something instead of waiting for a reply.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
How do I find that purpose? I am a volunteer for the Rocky Mountain Siamese Rescue and will go there this weekend. I will also try and play some more golf, that seems to help. I just sit here looking for the answers and there are none to be found.
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
I don't want to rush into anything...I took time to decide to marry my h and I want the same kind of time to decide to end it. I'll know in my heart when it's time to let go....
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
You have come to the right place for support, encouragement, and insight on how to navigate best through this painful time we are all going through (or have gone through). You have received some good advice already (Snodderly has been a veritable godmother to many of us, myself included! Love ya, Snodderly!!)
Everyone will tell you that it is of upmost importance for you to "detach", and they are absolutely right! But, it's also true that that is easier said than done (and I was one of the worst in getting there! ). So, I will just add to that advice to always remember that there are no "pat" answers, and above all, try to remember to be kind to yourself!! DB is NOT about saving your marriage, but about saving yourself! The fact that the "techniques" given are also your best chance of saving your M, is actually just a good side effect of saving yourself.
Take care!!
((((((hugs)))))))
Last edited by Silent Chrleader; 07/28/0903:04 AM.
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
). So, I will just add to that advice to always remember that there are no "pat" answers, and above all, try to remember to be kind to yourself!! DB is NOT about saving your marriage, but about saving yourself! The fact that the "techniques" given are also your best chance of saving your M, is actually just a good side effect of saving yourself.