True enough, though it seems to me that when you share the responsibility for the happiness and well-being of 2 children, one has a certain investment in the emotional well-being of the parenting partner. That is to say, if s/he's not well, then the kids by definition are suffering. So one has an interest -- not a responsibility -- in helping to preserve that other half of the parenting team, no?
Spin.. spin.. spin. One has an overriding interest in the welfare of their children. One can be accommodating with schedules based on opportunities, conflicts, etc.
Missing out on Cairo? Your choice. Exercising your priorities. Ask for help next time if it feels unfair.
Children have unique relationships with their parents individually. Having a parent in separate households changes the dynamics. The children develop, embrace a changing relationship with each parent.
It seems that by being so available to her, you are enabling her behavior... and stilting her growth. Let her want to be with you, love you for all the right reasons not because she feels so unworthy she 'settles'. She is responsible for her happiness, not you. Let her deal with her situation, choices, 'unpack it, blow the dust off it, and sort of turn it around in the light to appraise it'. Respect her enough to let her go.
If she initiates a conversation, listen. Turn off the hydraulics, jokes and listen without adding anything more to the conversation than validation, noises of encouragement or repeating what she says. Don't Fix.
You're the Dad, not the husband at this point.
And I agree with doing what's necessary to heal from the past but there's a point when it's masochistic unpack it, blow the dust off it, and sort of turn it around in the light to appraise it masturbation, whacking the dead horse.
Healthy folks accept the good, regret what didn't work and move forward in a positive way. It's all a process.. When my kids were young, I'd look at moms of teenagers, kids graduating from high school and saw success stories, the light at the end of the tunnel. Wow, they'd done it! Guess, what... it just keeps going in a different way. Fluid, growth and movement.
Without the commitment to the relationship, the weaknesses of the other are glaring... part because of hurt, part because it's easier to see where they are weak. It's great when you put the whole ball of wax together. (I'm still no quite there!)
