First post - was a lurker, now need to talk

[Bagheera]

Welcome to the board, Margali! You wrote:

He says that the cats are the reason why our sex life has gone downhill - we don't have enough rooms to separate them AND have privacy for LM.

You're saying that the two of you can't make love with a *pet* in the same room with you? Is this because of modesty concerns? or will the cat not leave you alone (i.e. pester you for attention)?

If the former, I suppose it might feel a little awkward the first time or two with a cat or a dog in the room with you, but in my extensive experience -- we've generally always had a dog curled up on the floor beside the bed, and have often had a cat curled up on the corner of the bed -- the animals don't really care or pay that much attention...it's all 'natural' and fine to them if alpha-male takes alpha-female within their little family "pack" or "pride." They aren't going to critique you are talk about it to their friends, either.

If the latter, then some cat training is in order...as much as you can actually train a cat, anyway. If you are consistent and firm about not permitting the cats to come begging for affection and attention while 'Mom' and 'Dad' are otherwise engaged with each other, they'll take the hint quickly enough. You said that your man spoils them -- is he able to be firm and set boundaries for them?

With regard to your body image and weight concerns, I'm going to repeat something I said to LuckyGirl some months ago:

Girl -- as the old saying goes:

"When you're the only naked woman in the room, to him you're worth a million bucks."

When the woman he loves displays herself sexually for a man, he sees her beauty and wonderful female sexuality only. Her eyes, her smile, her hair, her lucious curves, her legs...AND NO FLAWS. You've heard of 'beer goggles'? Well, in a man, 'arousal goggles' are even better!

You women are far, FAR too hard on yourselves. Learn to see yourself through your man's eyes.

Your man is right in that there is probably something else going on here. Is it just cat troubles? I have a hard time with that one, but timeline fits somewhat. If you would, tell us about the early stages of your relationship, from the intimacy and sexual point of view. What are yours and his personal histories in that regard? I think you may need to dig a little deeper here.

-- Bagheera