Stillnlove, all that I have to say is; I sure have missed you! I am so glad you are back around again! Please update me on your sitch. when you get a chance.
[color:#6600CC]Once, sorry for the brief hijack.
Braveheart,
I'm blushing. You are so Sweet. Though trying presupposes failure, I'm trying not to be back around. I regularly talk to Peacetoday and when she asks for comments I've usually emailed her, but a few weeks ago the responses on her thread needed inclusion, so I felt it would be better to post here. And I read bits and pieces.
As for my situation, I am so excited! I go home this Friday! I've been helping my Mom take care of my Grandma (she's 90) since Thanksgiving. I go home for a few days every other week, but that's not the same as being there. Sweetheart is excited, I'm excited and then a week after I get home we go on vacation.
Last year was pretty rocky. On the same day as I returned from my brief board vacation during the last weeks of February, I kicked him out after seeing him use a cell phone. Since he'd gotten rid of his cell phone the year before I knew it was only for OW contact. I began looking for transition apartments for him--he went directly to the OWs, as was his pattern.
Then a counselor of mine made a comment about why not let him move home and I regret I followed her implication of advice and did. He hadn't wanted to leave and thus wanted home immediately. He was out for 6-8 weeks maybe.
So he came home and my brother died soon after—Leukemia. He didn't get it. He came home one day and said I looked like someone had died—about two days after my brother had died! Oops, he'd forgotten. Okay, so he was my step brother and lived in Europe, so Sweetheart had only met him on a few occasions. But he'd been my brother since he was 8; I knew him.
He was in Monster for all of July—and maybe a milder Monster in June. But July was awful. Since I knew he was seeing the OW, and he was trying to get me to kick him out I determined that he needed to be a big boy and leave of his own accord. I kicked him out earlier because he'd been sneaking and not trying to leave. I told him that if he left (and really it was when, we both knew he'd go) that we could not live together for a full year, and he could not go from living with the OW to living with me.
Around the end of June his cell phone mysteriously disappeared and he escalated. Can you believe that he suspected me the disappearance. Well after that he used the home phone and I occasionally monitored the logs. He knew I was doing it and he only called her because he knew I'd see the logs. I knew this was his main motivation and shrugged it away—though, okay, this month was more difficult than most. He later admitted he was trying to bother me with his calls—and was later shocked at his behaviours. He taunted that month, trying to tease me about how he was going to take everything away from me—I'd be poor. He did this between trying to be flirty—which is something that Sweetheart is not—Monster is flirty.
Well he called a few days after leaving. He said a few different things. He knew it was a mistake on the way to the OWs and that he changed his mind three days later—more likely three minutes after leaving! No shock there, only expectation; he got to be pretty predictable regarding wanting to come home. Actually he left the week before leaving and called me in a panic at work. He'd moved and wanted to come home but since I'd said he couldn't come home for a year, what should he do. Um, I was at work and if he'd just come home and not told me, would I have even known: No. So why are you asking me? Man he has oral diarrhea.
When he left the OW's this time he moved to a friend's—this friend let him stay there a few years ago the first time he left her also. But when I came to my Mom's for Thanks giving, that morning Gram went unconscious and we called 911. I thought she was going to die right then. Weeks later (around New Year's) we learned she had a Urinary Track Infection and that was why she'd been weak for about 2 months. But it did seem clear that my Mom needed help, so I stayed. My Mom sometimes teaches classes far away and needs to stay overnight, so someone needed to be here with Gram.
It's been a blessing. Sweetheart could move home and we weren't living together. This also had a great advantage in that he got to do cathartic yard projects—he likes to do things with small tools and his hands. He had someone cut down a cherry tree and then he spent weeks digging out the stump by hand. It was a healthy obsession.
We were seeing a counselor on my visiting days, but we want to switch as we both agreed that she was ineffective and she wasn't local. That was recent, so I'm looking for someone new now.
And this Friday makes one year living apart. I did it! Though it's been harder the last few months.
Braveheart,
during the last weeks of February, I kicked him out after seeing him use a cell phone. Since he'd gotten rid of his cell phone the year before I knew it was only for OW contact. I began looking for transition apartments for him--he went directly to the OWs, as was his pattern.
Can you believe that he suspected me the disappearance. 
Well after that he used the home phone and I occasionally monitored the logs. He knew I was doing it and he only called her because he knew I'd see the logs. I knew this was his main motivation and shrugged it away—though, okay, this month was more difficult than most. He later admitted he was trying to bother me with his calls—and was later shocked at his behaviours. He taunted that month, trying to tease me about how he was going to take everything away from me—I'd be poor. He did this between trying to be flirty—which is something that Sweetheart is not—Monster is flirty.
