back after 10 weeks of recovery and need some help

[steady]

The flip flop of reality is script. Don't fight her on it or try to correct it - this will cause her to dig in deeper. I know this first hand. Just validate and move on. You have to internally let go of it otherwise she will feel your attitude.

Sleeping in separate rooms concerns me. I know for me it was another nail in the coffin because you lose that connection. Even if you don't touch or talk in the bed, you are both still there and it creates a connection. I've also heard this from others at this board.

When my W moved into another room we told our kids it was because I was snoring and keeping her awake. I don't know how old your kids are.

You need to GAL. She's even telling you this when she talks about feeling guilty going out with her friends and you stay in the house.

If she's feeling you being controlling then in her eyes you are being controlling - whether you agree or not. It's how SHE is feeling. You need to take a good look at your behavior. If you dig in deep enough you'll probably find part of you actually controlling.

You are focusing too much on what your W is feeling/thinking/doing. You are trying to interpret and figure out what her actions actually mean. You have to let go of this. Her feelings and thoughts will change from minute to minute at times.

Write down what she is complaining about and be brutally honest with yourself - figure out what you need to change about yourself and then do it. Take your time looking at it and dig deep into yourself. It's typical to want to 'know' what's going on inside your W. This is a control issue. If somehow you could figure it out, you can steer the sitch where YOU want it to go. Control is an illusion.