Yea!!! You did great!!! The first time, especially when you know what you would like to say in rebuttle, is always the hardest and yes afterward, you may breakdown. But if you do, do it in private, not infront of him. See what you are doing here is acknowledging his feelings but not accepting responsibility for them. Which serves three purposes, it takes the wind out of their sails, it relieves you of internal guilt, and eventually, when the see you won't accept the responsibility, they have to start wondering why they feel this way. It doesn't mean the look for the real reason, at least not at first, but maybe eventually.
SR said it well, they may have always been cranky, but MLC exaggerates everything. I think a very common thread, actually the basis for MLC, is the childhood. My H had a very difficult childhood as well and I know that the behavior he is exhibiting in MLC are just extreme ends of behavior he has always exhibited. But until he looks at the real root cause, nothing will change. Funny makes me think of when we met. His anger and what not at the time was directed at his M, where it should be. Over time, it got shifted to me because I was there. At times he tried to put it elsewhere and keep it off me, but as time has passed that has gotten harder and harder for him to do. Eventually, I became the root of all evil because as he changed other things and still felt what he was feeling, there was no where else to put the blame, unless of course he actually dealt with the issues or put it back on his M.
So know you did really well. It will get easier, and believe it or not, the attacks will eventually slow down and probably eventually cease as you don't let yourself be the target anymore. When he does say something that you feel is really valid that you could do differently, do it differently. But beyond that, just do your best to let it all go.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
