When you H is in a mood like that, he is talking AT you, not WITH you. He had decided beforehand what he wanted to say. I think if you want to set boundaries, you need to wait until the small windows opportunity when he says the stuff like "lets try again" or whatever. It is at that time you will have the best chance of being heard. I think these small windows happen unexpectably, which is why having a message ready can be useful.
Likewise, if you do feel like you are getting close to asking him to move out and you really want to try to talk to him first, you would need to try and wait for the window and say something like "getting close to curtains for me buddy, you need to understand this"
I too think you handled his flip well. Just please be aware, your kids probably picked up on more than you give them credit for.
