I'm having trouble getting to sleep, so I came here. I've been with my guy for 7.5 years, and in the past 18 months or so, our sex life has seriously dwindled.
He tells me he loves me, and his behavior is very loving. I've asked him about the no-sex thing - is it my weight, my looks, another woman, what? He says "no" to all those things.
Two things that are part of the mix:
1) We have 2 cats and he spoils them insanely. About 2 years ago, they had a horrible fight with each other, and we really don't like to leave them alone together w/o supervision. He has done a lot of good work re-training the cats to be calm around each other.
He says that the cats are the reason why our sex life has gone downhill - we don't have enough rooms to separate them AND have privacy for LM. I don't know....I love the cats dearly, but yanno, they're CATS, not human kids. He's so besotted with them that I'm actually glad we don't have any human kids. If we had kids, he'd probably be so paternal that he'd forget me entirely.
2) When we had been together about 3.5 years, I went back to grad school. I finished my degree and found a job I really love, about 2 years ago. The pay isn't great but the benefits are solid, plus I really enjoy the work - this is the first job I've ever had that I actually like. However, it is a pretty demanding job, and I know he doesn't like the fact that I work a lot of hours. I've gotten better about this in the past year - I know it was a problem that I was working late a lot, but he and I talked about it and I really have made some strides. However, I can't help feeling that somehow, he resents my job. I really don't get that. He's not the old-fashioned kind of man who doesn't want a woman to have a real career; he was very supportive while I was in school. His first wife didn't work at all, and he didn't like that. I just don't understand this.
We haven't had sex since June 21 - we were out of town at the beach. We can't afford to go away and get hotel rooms too often. I just got back from a trip out of town to visit my best friend from college. I was really hoping that "absence would make the heart grow fonder", and before I left, he had dropped hints that we might have sex when I returned. But no. I got the sweet, loving, affectionate greeting, but no lust, desire, or sex.
That's another thing that bugs me - he'll drop hints, he'll talk suggestively about "maybe tonight" - and then nothing happens.
I still love him; I don't want to split up and I don't want to cheat. It's true I could stand to lose about 25 lbs., but I started Weight Watchers almost a month ago and am beginning to see results. Plus, he keeps telling me, "You don't have to lose weight", and "I love you the way you are."
I'm getting so I just don't believe him any more when he makes hints about sex. Yeah, right - I'll believe it when I see he has an erection and it's out of his pants.
