I'm not sure if living in the gray is the same as the middle road, and I'm not sure if I'm detaching-while-remaining-open.
I more or less just interested in playing with this idea of the Truth of a relationship. Tonight WAW was a bit down on herself, which in general I don't like to see in anyone, so I told her that as much as it would suck to be me in that moment, I'd embrace the suck if she wanted to call in the middle of the night just to vent. I'd listen, I'd say those comforting things one says, and it would be a familiar ear. She didn't take the offer up, of course, but I was glad to have made it.
But the proximate cause of her down-itude was her claim that I was the "only man who was ever attracted to [her] and who ever loved [her]." Now it's easy to dismiss as so much WASpeak, pity-party stuff intended perhaps to get me to leash The Mouthpiece, but that isn't the first time she's said it in the course of our 22 years together. Indeed, it's been a recurring theme for her in times of stress.
So I'm not leaping to cloud 9 or leaping off the bridge or even giving it more than its due as a sentence, as an expression of her POV at this moment.
But it's a curious reflection of what her Truth(s) could be -- if one felt this way, why abandon it? Because the Truth is you don't really feel you need those things (attraction and love)? Are you rewriting for the moment only, because Signore crapped out and The Date That Wasn't wasn't all it was(n't) cracked-up to be?
Or is WAW doing what we here in the DB world do? Is she honestly re-evaluating? And what answers might she get?
I sometimes wonder -- in fact, had this discussion with @Thinker in the alt -- if we don't sort of over-estimate our culpability in these sitch's, we DB'ing LBS's. @Aliveandkicking was railing over at her place about Expensive Attorney who, some 30 years after his D, remains convinced that the Fault Was All Hers -- something that offended @alive's DB'ing sensibilities.
But what if he's right? One weakness, it seems to me, of the DB paradigm is that it presupposes fault. Obviously you did "something" wrong, you LBS you, else WAS wouldn't have split.
So we become hypersensitized to find fault in ourselves -- to facilitate The Changes That Must Be. But what if there really isn't anything wrong? What if WAS is -- plain as day -- just an a**hole?
What if the "wrongs" I identified as part of my self-evaluation are really not part of the Truth of the World of WAWcraft?
Or what if they were, on D-Day, but are no longer? That's what I mean by moving targets? What if WAS has a laundry list, a coffee-shop rotating pie display case, of grievances, all of which are part of her/his "Truth" but none of which or few of which are part of our "Truth" - and from among which WAS picks or chooses as needed (or at whim)?
The marriage, the divorce -- are they, as the Bard had it, "neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so"?
