Man yesterday was such a bad day, between me not getting more time with the D, then I did speak with the W and man she came unglued on me, and no matter what I told her or tried to tell her she spun it on me to make me look or feel bad, and honestly I felt like she hated me. At one point she started telling me how I deserve everything happening to me, that I don't know how to love and that's why she left me and how one day Ill get how good she was to me, and then Ill be sorry. She said she feels like I was trying to ruin her life, by confronting the other guy. She still swears that they were just friends, which may be the case, but she says now that she afraid to have any friends who are guys because she thinks Ill confront them( she also said he wanted to back away from her cause I made him feel uncomfortable). I think at least some of that is true, he probably did back off, weather hes a friend or more, that would explain why she was so angry, and mysteriously her going out with friends night that she had been planning... she canceled at the last minute. I feel bad, but dang she started talking to this guy before we split. I dunno. I did make it better last night when I took D back to her and I think I brought back some since of peace to what little bit of a R we have. I was very kind and tried to calm down the stich. By the end I did and she even said I could have some visitation with the dogs. I also saw tears come up in her eyes again when I told her that I was moving forward but not moving on, and that I would never give up on her, but if being with someone else made her happy then that's what I wanted... she said that's true love, and I told her that's where I am. So as long as I can keep it civil, and regardless of what I learn in the future about her, I must keep it this way. Now I will try to DB to the best of my ability, although I know it will be real hard cause I want to reach out and hold her every time I see her, and tell her my every inner thought.
I try to document everything, bluerain, but sometimes I don't get it cause I'm so spun up... man this is killing me
