Changing Man

[Gardener]

Thank you, DW. The flip-flops bother me, too, as you can tell. Just unfortunate, that's all, as mine were two entirely different worlds, pre-DB and post-DB...

[givingitmyall]

General opinion on the board, is that the spouse who wants to end the marriage is the one who moves out. It's unfortunate that you've flip-flopped on this, but I would stick to your guns.

YEP.

So, now you're the bad guy for not letting her come back to the home SHE left so she can relive what...the very memories she chose to leave?

Stay put man.

[The Wifey]

Stand the course. Letting her have her way will not fix anything with her. You stayed calm while she was tweaking out. So sad, too bad, she wanted to break things up.

You were respectful and not weak, so she will just have to stew on that one for a bit.

Remember, this living in the house is something she wants. That is something she can't have right now, by her own choice. This si like a bit of leverage over the fog in her brain.

[Kettricken]

Actually, flip-flopping every time she turns on the pressure/guilt/waterworks sends a *bad* message, IMHO. Although I shudder every time I hear a WAS compared to a child, in some ways people never do change: they will treat you the way you train them to, they will continue to do *what works*.

You made a decision about what was fair/in your best interests, albeit a belated one. Stick to it. It's hard to respect a man (or, person) who flips-flops all over the place.

[Bravehardt]

Sandi

2)if she is free to do your house that way, you need to ask her for a key to her place so you can come & go as you please there!

Thats exactly what I told my W.

[Gypsy]

Hey G..

Listen, validate, let go.

Maintain your boundaries.

Possession is 9/10ths of the law.

You've 'heard' why she left. Respect it.

Use simple statements, not a long drawn out expository.

Marital possessions are split 50/50.

Stop thinking. Just stop over thinking. "Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try." Yoda to Luke. That dead horse is being beaten to glue.

Let me know which show you're going to.. and I'll meet you at an appointed time by the Gypsy poster.

*hugs*

[Gardener]

Thanks, Gypsy.

[Gardener]

Serious question:
What does one do - what have any of you guys done - if and when it hits you (as Mac-ct would say):

Oh, soddit.

I'm there today and have been throughout last (sleepless) night. Just screw it, whover you are, whoever you've become. I don't know the person I was with yesterday, with her dead eyes and disdain. She's gone like the old M is gone, the old R is gone.

Screw it. I've been trying to be a friend to my wife. Patient, the whole drill. Soddit. I'm exhausted and financially tapped and in debt from trying to keep up this house by myself - a house to which I attach zero meaning. It's just a (too-damn-big) building, a structure. For what? To wait out a one-year separation that started out as a "respite" (her word) while she's pulled further and further away every single week just to then sell it in a hopefully better market?

Screw it. Start your divorce or mediation, let's get this house on the market, sell it and let's just go, already, former wife and whoever it is that you've become - that you are -now. Go. Do it. Eight months of intense, sincere effort and noble intent on my part with zero, zip, nada reciprocal effort on her part.

Soddit. Don't care. Done. Finis.

[beepee]

Gardener:

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I'm in the same boat and want to be done as well. BUT keep the faith and hope alive!!

Unless you really, truly believe that you're done, thats your decision. Everyone has their limits.

Are you just having a bad day? or do you really want to quit?
Go for a walk and think about it G. Clear your head for a bit and the answers may come to you..

[givingitmyall]

I hear you and understand. But no decisions while emotional. 48 hour rule - give it 48 hrs - if its a good decision, it still will be in 48 hrs.

Ok to vent. Just don't make it the basis for your decision.