I want my Monkey and Sheep Back

[Trixi]

BP- I understand that you love your H and miss him.
But in reading what you wrote, I think this time would be well spent at considering how he has treated you.

yes, all of us LBS are here on DB fighting for someone that won't fight for us/the marriage. But in your case, your H seems to have some character flaws. Flaws that unless HE says he wants to change them, will only make you miserable.
Ignoring what you have to say (whether in public or private) isn't okay. Not being able to have a relationship that lasts longer than a year when you're 37--that says there is a problem with intimacy. Refusing to consider changing when your spouse says your actions are hurting--not good.

BP, I am just realizing that I accepted WAY too much crap from my H. And if I would have stood up for myself a long time ago and expected more from him, either we would be in a good relationship together right now OR I would be in a good relationship with someone else. In fact, I think part of the reason our relationship lasted as long as it did has more to do with me NOT saying anything to rock the boat than any other factor.

You can overcome this. You might want to read Boundaries in Marriage. It is a very good book and really illuminated things for me. Part of being able to love someone else is loving yourself first.

Do not worry whether some other girl would put up with his behavior. In fact, if you believe no one else would, WHY would YOU?!? YOU are better than that.

Sometimes I think to myself-- would Queen Latifah put up with this? Would Beyonce' put up with this? Would Demi? Would __fill in the name of any strong public figure__?? If not, why not? The difference is confidence and boundaries. We've all seen women (regular general public types of women, not stars) on TV shows that come out with confidence oozing out of them. They might be heavy, have 'bad" hair, a crappy attitude and yet they are positive that a man would be lucky to have them. They wouldn't take crap from a man for one second because they know their worth.

Anyway-- I just wanted to suggest that you change your perspective a little bit and instead of being the LBS who is blindly standing for the marriage, pretend you are your best friend looking at your situation. Would you want your best friend to be ignored? belittled? to feel badly about herself?