I have been thinking about your post all weekend. It brought back memories of a conversation that my husband had with me on February 15, 2008. It was a long conversation. He too realized he had made mistakes. He wanted to know if we could start watching TV together, etc. (He has lived at home throughout his whole MLC.)
All I can tell you is that almost 18 months later things have improved. This past week I have seen parts of the "old" husband again. We actually spend the evenings together four nights a week. We don't have dates but we both put aside the time to watch TV together. If he's not going to be at home for the evening (i.e. he has band practice or something special to attend) he lets me know.
I wasn't ready to even watch TV with him for a long time (about 6 months). It takes time for everyone to heal.
Anyway, not meaning to hijack, it just sounds like she could be peeking out of the tunnel. I hope that the tunnel trip is much faster for you all than it has been for us.
Looking back it's been a little over two years since I first noticed this. It's nowhere near over.
I'll admit this has thrown me for a bit of a loop. I made my mind up that this weekend I was going to have fun however. I had a great one. I saw three live bands, and had a family get together today that was a blast.
Guess who called today? She called while I was at my family get together. I think the call went good. She started out by telling me that my D5 got her first real haircut. "Well you might get mad at me but M got her haircut. She said she took pictures and is going to email them to me. I was the total opposite. I said no, why would I be mad? She said "she asked if she could and wanted to do it." I said no thats cool I can't wait to see her.
She asked if I would take the kids Thurs. night because her flight on Fri. was moved to early in the morning. I said yes that will work. She then asked if her dad could come get the bowflex on Wed. I said ok. She made no mention of any of her other things including the chest that she received from her grandmother as a wedding present. No surprise there. I'm not going to mention it unless she does. I have done this before in the past and she has responded negatively. So I will do something different.
During our conversation she could hear all of my family laughing and having a great time. She became quiet for a moment and then said "it sounds like everyone is having a lot of fun." I was upbeat the entire conversation. I said yeah we're having a blast. I said we are getting ready to head down the road and see a band here in a few. She said "oh yeah I heard about that on Sunday's, it sounds like a lot of fun."
She said "well I guess I won't keep you so you can get back to everyone now," but then proceded to kind of hang there for a moment. Finally she said, "well I guess I will see you on Thursday then."
I had a great weekend, I'm starting to get a handle on things again.
Attaboy, good for you. You just needed to get your footing. All you can do is just keep living your life. I think you handled that phone call wonderfully.
Really, T, try to continue to let go of the anger. Not for her sake, but for yours. I know it is difficult at times, considering the havoc she has wrought. But, it just gets in the way of our moving forward toward a life of peacefulness and grace.
So, do what you do best - reflect, adjust and act according to what your gut tells you.
I know I shouldn't be feeling this way, at this point I need to keep moving and improving.
In a way I feel like just as I am finally coming through to the other side of this, now standing in the light once again. I have this force that seemed to come from out of nowhere and is now trying to pull me back in.
It's difficult to describe. For this first time I'm really starting to see and appreciate just how difficult and long this whole process is. It's like the more positives you take away from this experience, the more you are truly put to the test.
I'm still not at all basing "sucess" on a reconcilliation. I feel so blessed to have taken away what I have from all of this, however the tight rope I had been walking and thought I had crossed just took another turn and has now become much smaller.
Hey T, listen, maybe you are thinking too far ahead. Let this unfold however it does. You dont have to make any kind of decisions right now. You dont have to change how you are living your life.
Just take it one step at a time. If you feel she is looking for friendship and that is something you might be open to, then let it happen. If it starts to feel wrong, pull it back.
Well my daughter's hair looks so cute. She ended up telling me that her and my xw ended up having a mommy daughter day. They went to the movies, went shopping and got her haircut while my son stayed at her mom's.
I also forgot to mention that my fishing buddy (oh how fitting LOL) who's wife is best friends with my xw's sister called an hour or so after my wife did. I think it's a bit strange that his calls and questions have picked up recently.
Anyway he called yesterday, I missed it and ended up leaving him a message while I was watching that band play LOL!. It must have sounded fun.
He called today and actually mentioned the om. He asked me if I knew him. Why??
I blew the question off and told him I had to go.
I guess the term fishing buddy is a dual purpose one LOL!
Struggling a bit today. Didn't get too much sleep last night. My financial situation is horrible right now and it's about to get worse. I hate living this way.
I need to get my act together before Thursday. I haven't seen her in a couple of months and to be honest I feel a bit rusty.
u sound like me, i know how u feel....my financial situation is horrible too....
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
