Well, 17 months since the bomb. I was already an emotional wreck before the bomb, and her actions, 2 affairs and other crazy stuff fueled my low self esteem and I withdrew further into the bottle.
That's the truth.
After she decided to move back into the house but was still going to stay 'friends' with OM back in March it lasted a week till I blew up and lost it with her. Since then I've been slowly trying to heal myself. Going to AA to shake the cycle of pain and suffering and starting to feel better.
STBX and I rarely talk. For a while we were angry at each other so she or I would be very defensive. Every couple months she reminds me about 'our divorce' and asks me to do something so the documentation lady can write it up. I usually ignore her or tell her it's her divorce and she should write what she thinks she can agree to and present it to me.
Her last 'thing' was that she want's me to take all the debt that is in my name, she'll take what's in her name and I get to pay all the back taxes. And I pay her and the girls health insurance and pay her $200/month child support for D13. As she said "It was your job to pay the taxes. I took care of your kids and listened to you talk about how this next business project was going to work".
I asked her why she didn't get a job until after she left me and she said "You didn't ask me to".
I decided none of this is worth fighting over and agreed.
Of course, nothing has been put in writing.
Things seem to have changed somewhat since this discussion a couple weeks ago. She's more friendly around me instead of 'put off'. I also decided to stop being angry. What's the point anyway?
Last weekend she came by to pick up D13 who had been staying with me most of the week. She was going to have her stay with her for the weekend. She asked if she could take our Beagle Dog overnight and I said that would be great.
The next day she came by to drop him off in the morning. D13 was with her but instead of having D13 bring him in, she came to the door herself. She was happy and went on to tell me that they took him to the pet store and he picked out a toy. A long cylindrical fuzzy green thing.
She said they called it the 'Fuzzy Pen1s'.
Ok, so I replied that it was a bad idea to teach him to chew on things like that because he might get confused if he jumps into my bed at night. She laughed and made a counter joke and we went back and forth. She had to go, I said goodbye and she left. Weird.
Next day was her birthday. I gave D18 a card to give her that said "I hope you celebrate this day. You've touched many lives and raised great children. With love, Frank"
D18 did give it to her, but told me that she didn't open it while she was there. The next day I got a text from her saying 'Thank you for the bday card and the kind words. I really appreciate it'
A couple days later she called for something and brought up the 'fuzzy xxx' and we had a laugh. Strange that she makes these sexual references.
Friday she came by in the evening to pick up D13. She came into the house instead of calling D13 on the phone. D13 grabbed her stuff and wlaked by me and out the door. I said to STBX "Gee, no goodbye, no hug! Just out the door"
STBX said "Aww, do you need a hug?". I paused and said "Yeah that would be nice" and hugged her. How weird.
STBX called me yesterday and left a voice mail to tell me that she got mail from the health care company that the insurance was going to be canceled because I hadn't paid it. Her tone of voice seemed like she was annoyed at me.
I called back and left a polite voice mail telling her that they are mailing the bills to her, so I can't pay them if I don't see them. I also mentioned that she seemed upset but I could understand how this would upset her.
She called back and apologized repeatedly for sounding upset with me. (?????) She said she'd make sure I got the bills and please don't be mad at her. (????) I said that I wasn't and that we'll work this out. Told her to have a good day.
This week she is taking D13 to Seattle to visit STBX's mom. D13 told me that OM is going with them and that they are staying at a campground part way to save money. D13 says she refuses to sleep in the tent and will sleep in the car.
STBX has not mentioned OM is going. If I ask about the trip she avoids details. On the advice of others, I have asked her for the names of places where she is staying the night. I am also going to ask her OM's full name since I do not know him and she is making D13 (who doesn't like him at all) spend 5 days with him.
As far as OM, D18 has said that he is harmless, kind of a woose. A mutual friend who has met him said he was "Like a bird with a broken wing. In fact if someone didn't tell him he had to breath to be alive he might stop". Someone STBX can control I guess.
It hurts a little that I am being 'replaced' so easily. I think the recent 'nice attitude' from STBX is a reaction to me being less angry. And I've dropped the rope and am trying to move on with my life.
Anyway, financially I'm ruined but that's my own fault. I've also realized that neither STBX and I understood how to make a marriage work and we weren't partners. I was 'dad' and she was 'daughter'. I took care of everything and when I couldn't, she got scared and left for attention from OM.
I believe I'll grow from this and my counselor has been very encouraging. I still love STBX, we're just not able to live together.
