yeah - I will talk to her. Her knowing could not be helped...she actually picked up on the way he was acting back in December & approached him herself. He's the one who told her how he felt about me. I do not talk to her anymore. She'll try to ask me how things are going & I just say something like - nothing new to report or hanging in there...
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
Okay - back to my joy devotional. I think what it said today is great for us standers particularly in MLC:
Let us throw off everything that hinders & the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. - Hebrews 12:1
The author of Hebrews challenges us to "throw off everything that hinders" in running this race. The New Testament calls this quality "perseverance" and links it intimately with joy. As Paul put it, we "rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance" (Romans 5:3). Scripture doesn't separate joy and suffering; they're held together by perseverance. Nor does perseverance mean grimly gitting one's teeth; there's real joy in it. There's joy in discipline, joy in single-mindedness, joy in straight-forwardly completing what one sets out to do. The key to such perseverance is wholehearted resolve. If only we'll resolve to do something with all our hearts, it's as good as done. Joy rests in our discovery of the unlimited power inherent in a thoroughgoing resolve - including the resolve to be happy at whatever cost.
A prison warden who had weathered many riots once said his secret: "In the middle of a crisis, I plan for the resolution. In a week or a month I know this thing will blow over, so I start planning for that time now." Perseverance is planning for the resolution. Chronic miseries are produced by fear; miracles come through faith.
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
just wanted to catch up on a little journaling, please do not think I am analyzing H's motives/actions, this thread is also for recordkeeping.
Friday was our 10 year anniversary & I hadn't heard anything about it from him (didn't expect to). He came home from work & was sitting next to me while I opened the mail. My parents had sent an anniversary card so I opened it, took the money out, handed it to him & said "oh, this is for you too". He just looked at it & set it down. I said "Are you even going to acknowledge this day?" He said "Are you?" I said "yes, I got you a card, did you get me one?" He said "no" & just stared at me uncomfortably....like he wanted to say something...or he was waiting for me to say something...or he was looking to see if I would cry...it was weird
He left & went to his bball game. The kids & I went to an outdoor movie that was shown by our neighborhood. We came home & set sleeping bags on the family room floor to camp out. I taped the card I got H to the door - it was very generic, but I wanted to give him something to let him know that I still remembered the day. He came in, looked at us & asked what we were doing. I said "having the campout that we have been planning all week". He proceeded to sleep on the couch with us.
Saturday - I cleaned the house. H ran errands. I took the kids to the pool & when we got back at 4:30, H was gone, he returned at 6:30 - never said where he went. We ate dinner & all watched movies together (H slept on the couch). I put the kids to bed & at 9pm decided to go out...h was still sleeping. Came home to find out D had thrown up 3 times.
Sunday - h was supposed to have bball game...drove down & found out they had forfeited so he was home early. D laying around on couch sick. H decides to go fishing.
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
so he goes fishing in the neighborhood & is back w/in an hour saying nothing was biting. Then he sits on the couch w/me & sick D...I can tell he is very restless..up & down, up & down on the couch, then suddenly jumps up & says "if you don't have anything going on today, I'm going to (river nearby) to go fishing". I say ok - i was just hanging out w/the kids.
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
Growth, change, forgiveness and many other positives that occur all take time. Lots of it. The only choice you have right now is to work toward improving you.
If your focus is on what's lacking, what your not seeing, what you may be missing out on, what you feel you deserve or any other negative aspect of this, then yes. Time will seem like it's killing you.
Have faith that God is working on the both of you and all good things will come to those who wait patiently. I know you are already beginning to notice changes within you. Keep working, and try to look at this as an opportunity of major growth which can only come with time.
Thanks for the explanation & always being there with an encouraging word (even over the weekend - what a friend)! I have been keeping up with your positives lately & am really happy for you. Sometimes I'm a little standoffish when it comes to posting on other people's threads that are futher into it than me. I don't feel equipped w/the words or advice to give, but pray that things move forward for you!
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
Thank you. I do understand feeling a little hesitant when posting to others but, ok....you do realize your talking to one of the biggest goofballs on here right?? There is no need to feel that way at all.
I still get that feeling from time to time, sometimes it's hard to find the words. Remember words of encouragement or just letting others know they are not alone can go a long way. It helps to post though, it builds your confidence and also helps you stick to your words.(especially when Mr. Mach digs them back up for you in the archives) Most importantly though it's about making friends and giving back or paying it forward and thats really where it's at when it comes to this.
Thanks for the prayers, I'll be sending some your way as well.
Have a great day today. Trust that things are changing and that you are exactly where you need to be at the moment.
Hey T, dont you hate when Mach throws your own words back at ya? LOL!
Hopeful, continue to move forward on your journey. Your h is spinning and trying to work through things in his head. It's best to just get out of his way and do your own thing, ya know?
