A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Dia]

Thanks, for this, GIMA. I reinforced the message by writing it in my journal as well.

Morning updates:

H woke up looking bleary eyed and acting conflicted. I made coffee and gave him space. I heard him quietly telling the kidlet that "You and I are going to the D-'s house for Sunday breakfast." Kidlet asked if I would be coming and he said no. Initially, I was hurt again because the D-'s are/were good family friends to both of us and I really loved their regular Sunday breakfasts. I kept my game face on and didn't react. Sip coffee, read book.

So then H came over and sat on the couch with me. "There's a breakfast at the D-'s this morning and I wanted to talk to you about it. I was thinking it would be awkward if you went but I didn't want you to feel left out."

I said it would be fine if he and kidlet went by themselves. I'd love to see the D-'s but I'd be perfectly happy staying home if my being there would ruin the breakfast for him by making things things tense.

"So you want to go, then?" he asked. I said yes, I'd like to go, but I'd be happy either way. I wouldn't be angry or upset with him if they went alone, and if I went I'd just enjoy the morning and not take it as any sort of 'sign'.

He sort of tried to say it would be the D-'s who would feel awkward, but I said I'd seen Mrs. D on my last trip and things seemed perfectly comfortable. I reiterated that it was ok either way. Then he invited me to go! And after telling kidlet pretty directly that I wouldn't be going.

We had a great time with the D-'s, told stories, laughed and everything was perfectly comfortable. After breakfast, we sat on their back patio, chatted, read the paper while the kids played in the garden and hot tub. Toward the end, there was talk about the the D-'s taking their kids to the beach and kidlet wanted to go, too. H turned right to me and asked if I wanted to come.

I actually begged off because I have job apps and essays to write, but one of the D-'s said that a certain person would be at the beach who would be a great contact for me, lots of friends in my field, etc. D suggested that I go home to work on my job stuff and if that person was down at the beach, he'd call me so I could come down to network.

On the walk back to the house, kidlet ran ahead while H and I chatted lightly about various gardens we were passing, somebody's house for sale, etc. The only reference I made to the breakfast was to say "That was fun." He said "Yes, it was."

And then when we got back to the house, he looked at me sort of like it was the first time he'd seen me all day and remarked that he really liked my blouse. He's seen it and complimented it before, but this is the first compliment on how I look that he's given me this trip. There were several last trip, but just the one so far this time.

I'm completely amazed. I have to not get my hopes up, tho. I know he will contract again after this - I just don't know how soon or how hard.

BTW, I know I've cut way back on posting to other people's threads. It's not lack of interest - it's having to keep the DB site under wraps. I will get back to all of you when I leave here. Thank you for all of your support and kindness!!