Wow...sgct...long time no see or hear. Thanks for stopping by! I hope you are well..and happy.......FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
loved the cartoons and cakes...and didn't love the article so much. Interesting that Canada has the same problem NY has, although to some extent most states do. I maintain that NY is the weirdest but it was probably a well intended law that said "no fault div are too easy to get..." and then whoops, you get your type of sitch. OTOH, someone around here had their spouse of 17 years walk out and file the next week, meaning they filed for DIV right before Thanksgiving, and were legally div before New Year's...now that can't be the solution either...Good grief, there must be a better way.
Anyhow have a good weekend FIB...
(( )) j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Wow...sgct...long time no see or hear. Thanks for stopping by! I hope you are well..and happy.......FIB
Definitely. I hope you are too. My real job is horrendously busy. And I'm thankful to have it. Looking at my youngest's senior year, and savoring every minute.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
WTG sgct....well...u can see where I am now....from being placed in the 'inspirational column' here back in fall '06...to one of the ugliest dragged out divorces on the board.
Not proud of that.
Met with my IC today. She said some really great things..."I've changed'.....'see great progress'.....etc. Told her that I am simply working on developing new tools...mostly for my kids to steer them thru this. We had a GREAT day yesterday and I posted some pix.
My kids are starting to ask me why 'mommy is taking so long'..or...'I thought mommy was just going to get her nails done'. STBXW is departing when I get home. Probably OM..but...hey...more time with my kids.
25...hope you are well. It's a screwy thing here.... one thing I think is really f'd up is this: 1) file complaint 2) response 3) counter response
Oh geeez. STBXW is still hung up on that 'she wanted a separation' and 'he's trying to take my kids away from me'. I'm 'glad' I filed for D. Trust me. STBXW did NOT want a separation to think, get space, mull it over, etc.......
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
sgct...Am I sure it's the best path? No...I am sure it is NOT the best path for our family.
I AM SURE that it's the ONLY path in view of STBXW's behavior, lifestyle changes, choices, etc. My STBXW does not love me anymore. She does not want me anymore. She does not value our relationship anymore. She does not wish to be a participating partner anymore. She does not want to live with me anymore. She does not want to talk to me anymore. She does not want to ...uh....get the point?
I met with the family counselor and D6 yesterday. When asked...D6 says she plays with daddy and has fun but balks when asked about STBXW. C says she needs to work with the kids on this...that...kids are afraid to talk positively about the other parent in front of the parent that they are with.
She also began to give some '?clues'. That STBXW is afraid but puts on a tough appearance...that she is afraid that she is 'only a hairdresser' while I have 'prestige, respected in the community and power'. She kept wanting me to try and 'see this'. (25yearsMLC..this is somewhat similar to some of the theories that you posted to me in the past).
The C seemed to imply that STBXW's atty was driving things based on fear. Eg told me, "This is what could happen and I would NEVER let that happen to you. " I confirmed that my L felt he was like this...a litigator...not caring what effects his motions had.
She said that both of us are loving parents and heavily involved with our kids..and..the take home message was: to try and get a settlement done WITH HER and outside of the legal process or we will get screwed. She sympathized (?empathized) with my expression of loss of time with my kids and probably loss of my home. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" was her comment to me.
Absence.
Absence.
Absence.
Absence.
After 3 years...my time is coming. Anyone see the movie I Want to Live with Susan Heywood?
You work hard. You buy a home. You work the soil. You plant trees. You build a family......then....you're told to leave.
I don't think STBXW has a clue about the finances...or..maybe she does and there is a wealthy OM in the wings. On August 10th, if I am ordered out prior to us reaching a settlement, most likely, we will lose the house.
Although I have detached pretty well from STBXW, I think that I have been in a state of denial in a sense...with regards to my kids. I have been with them everyday since all this started. Soon...I won't be. I don't think any extended time...or prep....or books or thoughts....will ameliorate the pain of leaving them. I dread that part of it although I DO look forward to not having STBXW around and hovering, so to speak.
Last night, my son came into my bedroom. I had not seem him that day since he went to a Met game with estranged BIL. I bought a new book set....Percy Jackson and the Olympians. We talked for a bit. I read to him...then..he fell asleep. In spite of all the negative things STBXW did to me...I let him fall asleep and stay put. I woke up early and...I carried him back to his room...only to have him return about 7AM and crawl under the covers. I put my arm around him....kissed him..stroked his brow...told him I love him...and got up to shower to go to work.
There is nothing I can do but put one foot in front of the other and keep going. My time draws nigh.....
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
i really dont understand these divorce laws...how come the cheater gets the house....I hate no fault but what does a fault state do for you? divorce is really messed up
Divorce in my state grace is REALLY f'd up. You have to find fault with the other person and point a finger, thus, creating anger from the get go. You can separate, but, if your are the money maker, this can be a financial hardship AND the divorce can drag on.
Divorce sucks grace...but living with lack of trust, infidelity and lack of commitment, etc...IMO..can be worse over time by being emotionally destructive. Fear keeps many of us here. Truly...you really must take a hard look at yourself for remaining with someone who cheats and tells you they don't love you anymore.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
