Yep, another WAW - in last resort

[lonelywolf]

Work keeps me busy - so I don't come here as often as I would like.

Two days ago, I sent her a very formal e-mail asking how the kids were doing (I'm getting no news - I write them a letter every week, but I have no idea if they are getting them). No response at all. She's totally cut me off.

Do Last Resort techniques work if the other spouse refuses to make any contact?

[mac-ct]

lonelywolf - the "normal" DB techniques DO work.

I'm proof of that - not had more than 30 mins with the W in nearly two months.
And very few and far between.

I'm relying on "spreading the love" through mutual friends.

Just gotta find things that work. If they don't, change tack and try something else. But give them time and look for results. Damn hard I know. Painful but rewarding even if it's just to yourself.

The ONLY thing you can do is work on yourself. Vital stuff!

Chin up boed - there's lots of us here going through the same crud with the other half.

Mac

[Steve McQueen]

Do Last Resort techniques work if the other spouse refuses to make any contact?

michelle says " Although this technique doesn't always work, it is worth trying when all else fails" and "However, when a marriage teeters on divorce and a person fails to use the last-resort technique, divorce is almost inevitable."

might want to go back and read cover to cover first.

[lonelywolf]

mac-ct -

yes its painful, but I need to learn to live with pain, I suppose.

Steve -

Well, I do need to read the book again.

[Steve McQueen]

yes its painful, but I need to learn to live with pain, I suppose.

that is a pitiful outlook on life!

pity will never win your wife back.

[lonelywolf]

I didn't mean it to sound pitiful.

I just meant that I've realized I've been way too comfortable these last few years, and that it caused me to take my family for granted to some extent. I meant more that I need to be a little less complacent and work harder - discomfort/pain can help me stay on my toes and work harder at being better.

However, I am not sending messages to my wife about living with pain. I'm maintaining a positive outlook and GALing - but if she's getting any info, its from my weekly letters to our kids. The closest those get to pity is "I miss you and will see you soon" (I don't think she's told the kids about the divorce yet, so in my letters I'm acting as though our original plan is in effect - once this seasonal job is over, we get back together). Mostly I just tell the kids about what work I'm doing and discuss favorite memories and tell them about whatever else I might do (I'm going to perform at a street fair in a month or so, for example).

[mac-ct]

I just meant that I've realized I've been way too comfortable these last few years, and that it caused me to take my family for granted to some extent. I meant more that I need to be a little less complacent and work harder

Mac Attack! ...........

Ahhh - you got it - good man!

Been there, done that - bummer.

Do the best you can for yourself my friend. Take the good days and remember them on the odd bad ones.

Chin up!

[lonelywolf]

Yep - I finally "got it." My wife has been nagging me to "get it" for years now. Too bad it took a divorce threat to get me to "get it."

Well, I have it, so I'm reforming. I just don't know if she'll really believe me. She told clergydude "he seems to be reforming, but he's done that before and then regressed."

That's not really true. She never gave me clear expectations on what exactly to do - just vague requests. She seems to be creating some bizarre narrative where I'm this Machiavellian manipulator who married her in order to annoy and ignore her for some nefarious purpose (which would almost, in a really bad way, be a little better because it would imply I knew what I was doing and thus had a plan - the real truth is much sadder: I was just a typical clueless male).

[lonelywolf]

Well, I got an e-mail from her telling me not to pay any bills until she figures out how much she and the kids need. I'm fine with that - it was just the tone of the e-mail was very accusatory, as though I was planning on leaving her high and dry. Odd, since I've always left her some and even told her two weeks ago to let me know how much she needs - and she didn't respond back then.

I just told her to let me know ASAP, but that some of the bills are due soon and thus I was going to pay them in a day or two. I did tell her about my anger management class and how I feel better now that I have really started to get my anger under control.

In other news, Clergydude told me the kids look happy, but she doesn't. She's also avoiding him. He did tell her to get some counseling, but she hasn't done that.

I don't want my wife to be miserable. I now know I was inattentive and took her too much for granted - but considering the tales she told me about how her mother always told her she was fat and ugly growing up (and even after our marriage) and how her mother would get so angry she would break things - I can't see why she would choose that over me. I can't imagine it's good for her state of mind.

Just thinking "out loud."

[lonelywolf]

I may have made a mistake - I don't know.

I needed to pay the bills, and she hadn't responded to my e-mails. Her cell phone was turned off, so I tried phoning her parent's number. The mom answered, and told me that Alexa wasn't talking to me. I told her just to let her know I needed an answer about the finances.

I did get a quick e-mail telling me to wait one more day. And now she's drawing cash out of the ATM.

I just have no idea what's going on. It seems like she's suddenly scared I'm going to cut her off or something. I'm not planning on it - but I wish she would at least let me know what she needs. If she keeps this up, I won't be able to pay off the credit cards.

Of course, once October hits, if I don't have a job, it will be a moot point. Then I can become a deadbeat dad! Yeah!

Gotta stay positive.