he was back, i think

[mdoodles]

im sad today. more than usual i guess is the way to put it.

i miss him. i never stay angry for long, i dont know if its my love for him or just the way i am.

i have to keep separating my thoughts, reminding myself i did not do this to him. when i start to question should i have done the police report, i say - do i feel bad for her? NO. and i have my answer.

my feelings are about him. not her. and i didnt report him. i reported her.

i proud that i can even separate the issue at hand. thats a step in itself.

i dont understand why i still love him so much, why i still want him back. i get that i want our old life, i dont get why with all he has done, i find a way to still miss him and want him.

our mutual friends, who i am still in close contact with, understand. his friend said this - he understands why i hold on, that in a way he (as in the friend) still does too. he is angry with him, but misses who he was, that this isnt him at all and wants to reach out to him and tell him its not too late to return and that everyone will help him...

the best i can do i guess is go on with my life and wait and see at the same time.