She has made a lot of bad choices, but nothing is ever her fault... Or she rewrites history in her head to where it never happened. At the time H and I started dating, she was selling meth out of her house while 13yo BIL lived there. She allowed her friends to steal from her kids. The admiration of her addict friends was more important than the love of her family (she was never a user, just a dealer). She had cosigned with H on the mortgage for his first house when he was 21, but would threaten to sell the property out from under him. A credit card lien of hers that was placed against the property was a big problem for us when we were trying to sell the house earlier this year. This is only a sampling...
Once all of the money from her husband's life insurance dried up, and all of the friends were gone because there was nothing left to take, she started to try to be the "model" parent, especially when H and I were getting closer to starting a family. But neither of us want to have anything to do with her...
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
Wow - that's toxic. I can understand why you don't want to have anything to do with her. Are you going to call her back?
I wonder if your H has 'mother' issues that are contributing to what he is going through at the moment? It's interesting that he's left you at this time when you've become a 'mother'?
It doesn't really matter in terms of what you are going through but it sure is a red flashing light isn't it?
I've been reading along, and all things considered you are doing pretty well Ms DMK. It's a tough road to travel, just remember to put one foot in front of the other each day and don't forget to breath.
Take care. V
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Nah, I'm not going to call her back I'm also going to tell H I do NOT want to see her at the hospital when I have this baby (I have a feeling she's stepping up the phone calls because she doesn't want to be left out when the baby is born).
I figure the mother issues are a factor - I didn't think about it in the way you presented, but I think the fact that I became very hormonal and needy, especially around the time that work became more demanding for him. I think he, on some level, equates most women with his mother, and probably has some underlying fear that I would turn crazy eventually...
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
It was the cutest thing... she was chasing it into a corner. I was happy that H called me back instead of just texting me, or not responding at all. He misses DD a lot.
It is so much fun to watch her grow everyday - she has just become a little chatterbox. When I'm with her it's hard to be depressed now. I'm glad I'm getting another chance to watch this process...
I should have seen "crazy mom" as a flashing red light six or seven years ago, I think sometimes. She has been a lot of trouble and has caused H and BIL a lot of pain.
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
I am letting go of it (nothing else can be done, that's why I actually sent her pictures earlier this year instead of continuing being a black hole - I was trying to be gracious and forgiving and do things that would make H happy). But I just don't want her poison anywhere near my babies at this point.
Today, I am worrying about how I should get my hair cut on Friday. And I have a checkup with a nurse practitioner tomorrow. And for Sunday, I bought a ticket to a concert that I really wanted to see...
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
DO NOT CUT YOUR HAIR. Just get it shaped up a bit but NOTHING drastic. You are very different right now and I know you know that. A pregnant body makes it all nutty, even your hair. Do something simple and not too drastic.....after baby girl two is here and you think about it, THEN get it cut something fun and sexy. I've known too many friends who did the hair cut during the pregnancy, only to ask What was I thinking? Well you weren't because you had baby brain! LOL!!
I think you are doing fine and just really need to let him stew in his own juices. I don't think he really wants this divorce he's just having a nutty. Not sure that I would call it MLC.....my H confused me too. I went back and forth with MLC and WAS.....he had traits of both....which in the end, leads me to think he just had a nutty and not an MLC.
LOL! OK, I'll stick with a trim Maybe take it back up to my shoulders - I was thinking of getting bangs too, but I promise not to go too drastic. Maybe I'll have my sister touch up my highlights or something - I did go a bit drastic last time I saw her in that I never dye my hair, but it looks really cute this way. My sister wouldn't steer me wrong - I may be pregnant but I can still beat her up
I'm letting him stew - and being perfectly adorable and agreeable while he does it. But I'm probably going to have to show him my steel backbone when we start discussing finances.
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
Tonight I've got a ticket to a concert that I bought right after the bomb (I figured I was done skipping events that might be fun because nobody else wants to go with me). I'm hearing from my mom AND H that they are uncomfortable with me going by myself.
Yes, I'm at 3cm, 50% effaced (H says "I don't understand why you're not going to the doctor every other day!") The other night I was having consistent contractions, but they stopped after almost an hour.
It's not going to be a mosh-pit style rock concert, and I'd stay out of it if it was I guess it's nice to feel like people are concerned about me, but I'm almost 30, people!
I know I'll always be my mom's "baby", and my H has forgotten how independent I actually am...
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
I'm also going to tell H I do NOT want to see her at the hospital when I have this baby (I have a feeling she's stepping up the phone calls because she doesn't want to be left out when the baby is born).