K4D Rising #4

[K4D]

Can you, instead, picture the day that your wife says she wants to try. Can you imagine what it will look like? What will it feel like? How happy will your kids be? Will it be at the house or out somewhere. Will you be at a nice restaurant or a local park.

Thank God every day for his work and help in restoring your marriage. Believe and focus.

This is one that I am trying to picture. I very much like the way you put this.

And what does she see in those moments? Do you ask how she is? Do you ask about her with true interest? Do you ask if there is anything you can do for her? Are you not only acting as if, but truly shining? Is your house spotless, children dressed and prepared, you looking good, confident, happy to see her, even it is for just moments?

Tomorrow night is one of those moments coming again. If only for a few moments I do have that to shine. I will ask how she is and if there is anything I can do for her. I will be picking the kids up from her house as far as I know. I will make sure I am looking good.

What you want versus reality. How much do you love her?

I love her more than any other person on this planet.

Last night I hung out with my divorce support group that I have started making friends with. Although they are moving on from their past M's and I am still standing for mine, I still very much enjoy them as people and friends and I had a good time with them.

Today I woke up at noon and went with a friend to hang out with a group of people that get together at the same restaurant each week and just spend a few hours chatting about whatever is new during the week or whatever is on their mind. I enjoyed that. It was my second time to hang out with them. They are kind of a misfit group so I figured I fit right in with them. lol.

Tonight I had a wonderful evening with FaithfulH. We ate at a chinese buffet and then went to see the movie "Moon". It was very good. I enjoyed it. We talked for a good while and he brought up something. Our S's tend to look at us as weak for standing for our M's. But what they probably don't realize is that is really is very hard to stand in the face of all of this. It would be easier initially (not longterm) to go find someone else and fill that void. That is the easy route out. It is much harder and takes a stronger person to not go down that route. Yet they look at is as weak. That was a very good point he made and I completely agree with it. It is hard to stand and form your own life and let them live their's out of love. That is a great love to do that while praying for a reconciliation. It takes a lot of strength to do that knowing what you know is going on. I could get dates if I wanted to and go out with other women if I wanted to. But I don't want to do that. I'm taking the harder road and honoring my vow and loving my W no matter what she does. I forgive her daily as one must in order to have God's graces. If you don't forgive, why should God forgive you? Good things to remind yourself daily on.

Tomorrow I will get up and go to church and then I might go do that nature hike again. It really is enjoyable. I should get my kids around 7pm.

I pinpointed when my mood starts changing. It is as I get closer to knowing when W is going out with her family and friends and knowing what they used to be like and knowing what a good possibility of things happening are now. It has been on my mind this week as the week has gotten closer to tonight when I knew she was doing herself all up to go out and dine and club again. I just prayed that there wouldn't be an OM with her tonight. I prayed that God would give her clarity and love in her heart for God and our M and our family.

One week to go before the 12 year anniversary. I have no expectations to see anything from her when I hand her the card with the pictures in it. I'm not going to hang around to watch her open it. I HOPE but DON'T expect a seed planted that might grow in the future. Big difference between hope and expecting.

Kevin