Do not equate impatience and longing with a lack of faith. Faith is between you and God, and the rest you rely on him for. Have you prayed for your wife? I really mean that.
Not just pray that she will come back, but pray for her clarity of thought, her happiness, her safety? Do you pray for her to be the best mother she can be? Do you pray for the Lord to bring her all the wonderful blessings she deserves.
And yes, no matter what has happened, you should.
And what does she see in those moments? Do you ask how she is? Do you ask about her with true interest? Do you ask if there is anything you can do for her? Are you not only acting as if, but truly shining? Is your house spotless, children dressed and prepared, you looking good, confident, happy to see her, even it is for just moments?
I believe you are strong enough. I believe you can be the man she needs in her life. It is up to you to pull through and not tell, but show her that you are all she will ever need.
Can you, instead, picture the day that your wife says she wants to try. Can you imagine what it will look like? What will it feel like? How happy will your kids be? Will it be at the house or out somewhere. Will you be at a nice restaurant or a local park.
Thank God every day for his work and help in restoring your marriage. Believe and focus.
This is one that I am trying to picture. I very much like the way you put this.
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And what does she see in those moments? Do you ask how she is? Do you ask about her with true interest? Do you ask if there is anything you can do for her? Are you not only acting as if, but truly shining? Is your house spotless, children dressed and prepared, you looking good, confident, happy to see her, even it is for just moments?
Tomorrow night is one of those moments coming again. If only for a few moments I do have that to shine. I will ask how she is and if there is anything I can do for her. I will be picking the kids up from her house as far as I know. I will make sure I am looking good.
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What you want versus reality. How much do you love her?
I love her more than any other person on this planet.
Last night I hung out with my divorce support group that I have started making friends with. Although they are moving on from their past M's and I am still standing for mine, I still very much enjoy them as people and friends and I had a good time with them.
Today I woke up at noon and went with a friend to hang out with a group of people that get together at the same restaurant each week and just spend a few hours chatting about whatever is new during the week or whatever is on their mind. I enjoyed that. It was my second time to hang out with them. They are kind of a misfit group so I figured I fit right in with them. lol.
Tonight I had a wonderful evening with FaithfulH. We ate at a chinese buffet and then went to see the movie "Moon". It was very good. I enjoyed it. We talked for a good while and he brought up something. Our S's tend to look at us as weak for standing for our M's. But what they probably don't realize is that is really is very hard to stand in the face of all of this. It would be easier initially (not longterm) to go find someone else and fill that void. That is the easy route out. It is much harder and takes a stronger person to not go down that route. Yet they look at is as weak. That was a very good point he made and I completely agree with it. It is hard to stand and form your own life and let them live their's out of love. That is a great love to do that while praying for a reconciliation. It takes a lot of strength to do that knowing what you know is going on. I could get dates if I wanted to and go out with other women if I wanted to. But I don't want to do that. I'm taking the harder road and honoring my vow and loving my W no matter what she does. I forgive her daily as one must in order to have God's graces. If you don't forgive, why should God forgive you? Good things to remind yourself daily on.
Tomorrow I will get up and go to church and then I might go do that nature hike again. It really is enjoyable. I should get my kids around 7pm.
I pinpointed when my mood starts changing. It is as I get closer to knowing when W is going out with her family and friends and knowing what they used to be like and knowing what a good possibility of things happening are now. It has been on my mind this week as the week has gotten closer to tonight when I knew she was doing herself all up to go out and dine and club again. I just prayed that there wouldn't be an OM with her tonight. I prayed that God would give her clarity and love in her heart for God and our M and our family.
One week to go before the 12 year anniversary. I have no expectations to see anything from her when I hand her the card with the pictures in it. I'm not going to hang around to watch her open it. I HOPE but DON'T expect a seed planted that might grow in the future. Big difference between hope and expecting.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Today I got up and went to mass. Then I went grocery shopping. Looks like some laundry to do this afternoon. I'm going to get some prayer time in as well.
W wants me to pick up the girls at 6. So I told her that is fine and I will see her then.
I am looking forward to seeing my girls again. I'm gonna put my best foot forward in front of my W. I am praying for some bit of positiveness today when I see her.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
what is the WORSE thing to happen in a marriage to convince someone that they need to get out? when do people have a "right"?
It depends on your belief about M. Did you make an everlasting covenant or not? For better or for worse? Or not? Can you stand through the tough times? Can you face the hardest thing in your life and keep faith? Did you make a vow for life no matter what?
I think you have to ask yourself these questions and see where you stand.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
If any of you could, I would certain appreciate it if you could pray this prayer for me and W.
"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen K4D and W with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that K4D and W, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that K4D and W may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." Ephesians 3:16-20
".... We have not stopped praying for K4D and W asking God to fill K4D and W with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that K4D and W may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that K4D and W may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified K4D and W to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." Colossians 1:9-14
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I went to get my kids tonight at W's house. I had prayed all day for a glimpse of the other side of the mountain to see a tiny fraction of what God is doing with this separation. He didn't show me. lol.
W was cold and distant and just acted as if she could care less that I was there. I asked her how she was doing and if there was anything I could do for her. She said fine and no. She gave me my mail and pretty much ignored for the most part. She was getting ready to go to a poker tournament. I asked her how the party was last night. She said good and they didn't get home til 3:30 am.
I finished packing the kids and they said good bye and I told W to have a good week. She said thanks and she will pick up the kids Wednesday which is her usual night to pick them up.
It was tough to stomach tonight. The Lord is teaching me something here. He is teaching me patience. That is the lesson I am taking from the interaction tonight.
For those of you who think that she does think about me. Whew, I think that is highly questionable. I hope you all are right. I am keeping my faith none the less that God is working behind the scenes and I am reminding myself that it is in his time and not mine.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Tonight I experimented with something kind of new. I am not sure what to call it. D11 is racking her brain on what to call it as she is planning on making it an apetizer someday when she becomes a chef. D7 also loved it.
I toasted some bread. Then I spread tomato paste on it. Then I sprinkled shredded mozzarella cheese on it and put basil on top of it. I put them on a pan and baked them in the oven at 350 dgrees. If preheated then 7 minutes. If not preheated then 10 minutes. It was so good. I'm thinking I will put some sort of meat on it next time. I could put some peppers or vegetables on it next time also. Cheap, quick, easy, good.
Now what do we call this? It isn't necessarily pizza, although very close to it with the exception being toast instead of pizza dough. And it was tomato paste instead of tomato sauce.
hmm...
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
what is the WORSE thing to happen in a marriage to convince someone that they need to get out? when do people have a "right"?
It depends on your belief about M. Did you make an everlasting covenant or not? For better or for worse? Or not? Can you stand through the tough times? Can you face the hardest thing in your life and keep faith? Did you make a vow for life no matter what?
I think you have to ask yourself these questions and see where you stand.
Kevin
I know where I stand. I was trying to get you to try and view this seperation for your wife's point of view. That is very important in your understanding and possible reconcillation.
I toasted some bread. Then I spread tomato paste on it. Then I sprinkled shredded mozzarella cheese on it and put basil on top of it. I put them on a pan and baked them in the oven at 350 dgrees. If preheated then 7 minutes. If not preheated then 10 minutes. It was so good. I'm thinking I will put some sort of meat on it next time. I could put some peppers or vegetables on it next time also. Cheap, quick, easy, good.
Now what do we call this?
It is called bruschetta in Italian. They use tomato, oil, basil and add mozzarella or ham (their kind) or other things also. It's an appetizer and in Greece even Pizza Hut makes a version of it... K
