~ My story ~

[25yearsmlc]

Just genuinely curious about the comment you made, that you are "working up" to discussing Retrovaille with your h...what's that about? What do you fear? Think about that question...

Your H wants to reconcile and you are at least open to it...so what's up?

It's merely a weekend of your life dedicated to studying the most important relationship you'll ever have with another human being, someone to whom you have made a vow and with whom, made a child...and no one at Retrovaille will force you to do or say or recommit or promise to anything you don't want to do, let alone right then. Retrovaille is a gift...a BLESSING...free to accept or reject.

You both have OP in your lives (to some extent) and don't fully trust the other and you are confused. This is understandable and an understatement...but you have kids to think of, AND yourselves.

I'd think you would JUMP at the chance to go to this -and it's not expensive as they work on a sliding scale (although I went to something different for individuals, not couples, & it was 20 years ago, I'm a BIG believer in workshops and their ability to change your life in amazing ways)...

Seriously. Plus you Sara here telling you to go b/c SHE had a great experience as so many others have said...and workshops like these are, imho, sometimes extra great b/c they are "efficient" in giving you "direction and instructions" and clarity really fast compared to a year (or 6) of therapy -even though therapy is great too...

I'm just saying you are in a bit of a crisis mode here, with a sucking chest wound and there's something called "Retrovaille" that everyones speaks well of that could at least stop the bleeding, (I like metaphors) so you can take a breath, and see where you want to go from here, AND HOW to do it. Even If you still end up div, I cannot imagine that it would make anything worse; at least you'd have given a shot to something important AND your r with your h will be better anyhow, even as div co-parents...make sense?

I'd say call the retro people in your area asap and get a sitter (ask retrovaille for ideas if it's hard for you to get childcare thought I have NO IDEA if they offer help on that, I just want to support your effort and block any excuses you may come up with not to call...)

So set it up and tell your h that you guys can bring your issues to the weekend, and see what happens from there. Think BIG PICTURE....If the next Retrovaille weekend doesn't come til after Christmas, at the rate you guys are going that's scary, and a lot more damage, perhaps fatal to the M, could easily occur by then...

Is there really anything more important in your life right now (or ever) than your family? Is there something more pressing on you now that requires your attention more than your M? Besides, your m's problems are bugging and preoccupying you so much anyhow, why not work on them for real? Get serious, you know? And wouldn't a Christmas together as an intact family with trust and clarity of purpose, be the best Christmas gift ever? TO everyone?

Make the call, keep reading, keep posting and keep on keeping on...

(( j ))