yeah.. Im pretty confused by her. its hard to follow not trying to figure her out. (its like a puzzle that you just cant figure out why the pieces dont fit)
I have friends who know whats going on and they tell me they think about this stuff all the time and it bugs them. they ask how the heck i handle it. and usually praise me for keeping it togeather and not breaking down.
well I thought she was not going to contact me today but then she sent some texts. she was asking how i was doing and how the kids were. she got very blunt and asked if my son missed her and asked for her. I told her yeah, she kept texting about him. i think its getting to her bad. i even offered her to get him tomarrow
Has she ever had a history of biploar disorder, or anything like that? Im just curious, because she seems very disorganized and selfish.
I think that you may have started to let your guard down a little here, go back to the beginning of your thread, Sandi and puppy gave you some good advice that I think may be good for you to go back over.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
hummm yeah, i guess. I told her way way back i thought she was bipolar.
yeah, im not too sure on how to be nice yet keep my guard up. it seems like i personally have a problem of getting the differance from being nice or being mean when I try to keep my guard up.
I think that if you stick to doing what you would do for a friend, not the best friend that you might get arrested for, just the guy from work, common courtesy kind of stuff. I think that if you think that you are doing it to try to make her see what a good guy you are, Dont Do It! Sandis Do/Dont List on page 1 of your thread has some good stuff in it.
I do have to say that you going dim seems to have worked, its good that she is initiating contact.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
ok, I would not get arrested for her thats for sure. to be honest i dont know why she called me when she was in trouble/had trouble. Ive told her befor I dont have anymore money than her. And I would think she would just have her grandma or parents to help bail her out.
Its like if I only knew what was going through her head. Like last night she said having my son with her was what helped her when she left. (I guess I just dont get leaving if it's that hard but Im not a WAS so I prob never will know)
when I ignore her all togeather i get the most responce (usually she calls alot and will even ask to see me) but I think after we make contact again it caused her to push away more. (I call this just being mean)
If I stay just a little removed (I dont contact her and take time writing her texts back) I get her texting and contacting me more regularly but not much more than that.
So... im kind of stuck thinking what is best way.
it is often written that the LBS needs to become friends with the WAS befor any R can take place. So how do you become that friend? do i just keep doing what im doing or do i take another approch?
when I ignore her all togeather i get the most responce (usually she calls alot and will even ask to see me) but I think after we make contact again it caused her to push away more. (I call this just being mean)
If I stay just a little removed (I dont contact her and take time writing her texts back) I get her texting and contacting me more regularly but not much more than that.
So... im kind of stuck thinking what is best way.
what do converse to her about when she insists on contacting you more often? and what are you saying when she pulls away? you are not bringing up relationship talk and telling her you miss her and we can work this out, are you?
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it is often written that the LBS needs to become friends with the WAS befor any R can take place. So how do you become that friend? do i just keep doing what im doing or do i take another approch?
why do you want to be friends with someone who has backstabbed you? why would you want to only be friends with your spouse? it seems to me if your goal is to be friends you are missing out on the whole point of being married to someone. you can be friends with anyone (have you tried that yet?) are you not wanting to reform your emotional connection with this woman?
it looks like your relationship is a one way street. you provide her with emotional support when she is needing it; you are wanting emotional support and connection with her and are not receiving it. you are doing all the giving and lost as to why she wont give to you. and continue to give hoping she will change her way.
have you taught maybe you deserve more? that maybe she needs to be the one asking how do i become his friend; how do i save my marriage?
what if you stopped he emotional support? what if you dropped the friendship? what if you were no longer available, and got on with your life? what you you made her do most of the work, because there is alot of work to be done to restore a marriage that this far $ucks.
sorry my son decided to play his favorite game, how many balls can i get stuck in the gutters so i can get dad to let me walk on the roof.
my suggestion to you is basically "tough love." you have posted in the Infidelity forum, so i assume your wife left you and there are some extramartial concerns. if you weren't married, just dating, would you put up with being number two when she needs something different? wouldnt you want her to be chasing you? making a commitment to you and proving it?
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So... im kind of stuck thinking what is best way.
jealousy. it worked on you. it will work on her too.
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now i feel this is a fine line im still walking here between a friend and a saftey net.
its a game for her. she doesnt want a friend or a safety net. cant you see how she is testing you. game of love, man. she is chasing just enough not to get caught. and when you get all needy and pleading she gives up.
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this week has taken all my progress from befor and just set everything back, we talked and text way too much. I know I did alot of pleading to keep her in the kids lifes. (and yes mine)
she wants a MAN who will put her in her place. not a begger, but a man who is attractive and charming and confidant enough to say I am not a safety net.
Steve McQueen.
"Maybe what you need's for someone to send you flowers. Someone strong and mean who can prove he has the power to show you more than charm and take you on your way to where you want to be at the end of the day."
lol im even more lost.. so some are saying be friends and work on it from there and your saying bassically telling her she is a back staber why should i befriend you? and say screw off
