Running out of gas

[Jimbo]

At least I'm not alone in my frustration and confusion! Part of my personality is having to know the answer. It doesn't matter what it is. It's what makes me who I am. Part of it too is that I think that if I can figure it out, then I can do something about the problem. It is hard to let go of my need to know. I have to or else I'm going to make myself crazy. I also it appears that this just isn't going to make sense, since it doesn't make sense to Her either.

You are most definitely NOT not alone in your frustration and confusion, my friend!

It sounds like you and I really are cut from the same cloth, MW. I have the same "need to know" in my psychological make up, right down to the "problem solving" aspect of it- diagnose it so you can fix it, right? It's been a real challenge for me to accept that there's no logic to the sitch, and no fix for this except for forging through, but I've found my answers. You will too. Keep studying and learning all you can. Continue to educate yourself on what you're dealing with. It helps immensely.

I'm trying to drop the rope and step off the roller-coaster. All thinking about it does is get me all tied up in knots and that is no good for anyone. If she won't go there for herself, me stewing about it is pretty pointless. All I can do is to keep taking care of myself. I hope she comes around, but staring at the door/phone/email isn't going to make that happen any quicker. Doing things for me isn't that hard, really. It is the mental aspect of this that I'm hesitant about. There are some things that I could do to take care of myself that would shut the door with Her permanently. I'm trying to find that balance of leaving the door open (or maybe just unlocked) and living my life without her in it.

I couldn't have said that bolded bit better myself.

Striking the balance is admittedly tough. The bit I mentioned earlier about educating yourself on the topic helped me to have more compassion for my W and what she is going through.

Don't be afraid to live your life. Don't let the fear of losing her cripple you from working on you. If the two of you are meant to be, Universe will make it happen when the time is right.

Trust me- Things are NOT as they seem

You have no idea how much I am hanging on to this thought. (Well, maybe you do. ) This whole thing just feels so wrong.

Somebody asked me yesterday why we were getting divorced and I had a hard time coming up with a reason. Her "It just isn't working" isn't really a reason. It's like I'm watching a bad movie.

I know just how you feel, bro. It still, even after all this time, seems so surreal to me.

I'm supposed to move on Thursday, but I'm hoping that the place is finished earlier so I can move a little quicker. I think the change of scenery will do me good. I'm obsessing over the apt...I wish I could just turn off my brain for a few days. Perhaps a vacation is in order. Turn off the phone, email, work ... and just play for a week somewhere.

Sounds like an excellent idea to me. I took a LOT of time by myself to collect my thoughts and get my footing. But even this requires balance. Don't go to either extreme- don't become a hermit, or you'll just perpetually hide away from life and get down and depressed. But also don't spend all your time out GALing, or you'll avoid dealing with your feelings and your own personal issues.

With everything, balance is the key.