I have a question for piecing members - I am seeing major changes. They are very good changes, but I am wondering if these changes remain or is he just on good behavior? We are still living separately and I wonder if it is easier to make the changes as sort of his way of courtship - which means that after he moves in, just like getting married, things will go back to the way they were.
Comments please!
I am putting this out again for comments from others in piecing. Hope it gets a better response this time. Thanks! All.
H was under a lot of stress this week and it showed. But he remained sober and supportive of me. I was in bed all week with the back problem and then I had a bad reaction to the medication for the pain. Still improving.
Became a grandmother Wed! SIL sent video pic from the delivery room to us and then followed up with more pics. Amazing technology. Amazing little one!just joined the family.!
Glad to hear you and your H are doing well. Seems like he handled the stress ok. Baby steps....
Hope your back feels better.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I have been very busy... and sorry to bend everyone's ear but I need to vent. Things have been up and down, mostly up but his anger and twisted thinking can really get in the way. Both kids moved out this week - and I am sad - but we finally get to be alone and uninterrupted and he starts a fight with me. I don't get it. It is also a vacation time for us and we aren't spending it together? I don't get it again. Does anyone else know something that I don't? He has six and half months sobriety. We have everything set up to move next month, and now he is thinking otherwise... I just want to scream! One would think that this man doesn't want to be with me. Does anyone agree with that or not? This behavior of his is old pattern - but still... I am feeling unwanted and abandoned. (Not to mention sad at the moves of my kids into the real world) And yes, he still attends meetings and we are in MC.
I guess this is goodbye - H walked out on me the other night, called two days later to say he can't move in but wants to still see each other - no discussion involved. Went to MC alone - wants to blame me for everything, part of his A pattern I know that but I am tired of it all. Can't do this on my own. Just not meant to be.
Im sorry Kassie. I hope that things get easier. Do you think that this is sort of his way of expressing his pain over the kids moving out? Or sort of an MLC?
I have that feeling too. You cant be the only person to want things to work, or the only one to work at it. Let him come to you. I think that if he decides that he wants to be your husband, he knows how to find you, and he will.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Wait? He wants to NOT R but still see eachother? That makes no sense.
I hope you are ok!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Personally I think he feels guilty about the kids moving out and making such an issue over it for so long.
I think he is having flashbacks of when he was drinking in this house.
I think it is his old self sabotaging behavior, and very definitely has all the signs of a relapse coming.
I think he can't handle it when I am stressed out or we have a disagreement. He has low tolerance for negative emotions.
And I am angry that instead of being able to focus fully on my loss with the kids, it is all about him once again. He's not good at sharing.
I also know that when we went house hunting, he told me that he had a hard time seeing the new places and realizing what he gave up b/c of his drinking. We can't live the way he is used to living and he lost it all before we met.
So, I think many things played out. I am just glad it happened before he moved in or at the last minute.
I don't want to make the same mistakes I made before with him.
