Hi, I haven't logged in in quite a while. I don't see many old posters here, so you likely don't know my story. Found proof of OW in 2003. H left in 2004 to live with her. Tried very hard to DB over the years. A small line of communication via instant message would ebb and flow. (little family news now and then, and of course tax and house bills, once a year, all by email/instant message). This past year, he has just about cut it off entirely, almost like he's trying to forget 'we' ever existed. We work in adjacent buildings. Have only seen him in the parking lot once, in > a year. My question is, has anyone here ever seen/heard of a single H come back after 7 yrs? I'd thought it was MLC, but, as I saw on someone's post, maybe it's just who he really is now. I'm really loosing hope.
Yes...I have heard of someone coming back after 11 years & several others around the 7 year mark.
What? Several after 7 years? You are in an extraordinary position. I have been on here over 3 years and haven't seen one person come back after all this time. We have several posters here who have been on here for that time frame and longer and not one has come back to my knowledge.
I don't know how many years it was for them but what about Yellowrose and Brandnewday? And someone else who just started posting again - I think - Butterflymom?
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
Keepingthefaith's father came back to her mother after 11 years (and that wasn't from this site). I thought a poster Irmlin or something like that was 7...then there is yellow rose, brandnewday...several others that are very close...and my aunt & uncle were remarried on the SAME DAY their divorce papers were finalized 5 years after the MLC started. They were also not on the site. I know there are more on the site & I think many people don't come back to give an update...once their situation works out.
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
Onceuponatime - do you know if your H is still in replay? how is he behaving? Would it be appropriate to reach out to him? Ask him for a cup of coffee? I can tell you when my uncle returned home to my aunt as I mentioned above...it was because his four daughters showed up on his doorstep & said, "Dad, it's time to come home" He was so filled w/guilt & shame & felt trapped in a world he had created & didn't know how to get out of...it took them reaching out to him to let him know he was still welcome & wanted.
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
Thank you all so much for responding Hopeful,Silverfox and Braveheart.
I did follow those ladies you mention for quite a while, and while it seems they have been here a while, I believe Yellowrose and Brandnewday's husbands were actually gone less than 3 years. I'm still searching for Butterflymom. I was following some, that were so close to return, or actual return, then H left again. That's actually why I stopped coming here. I do pop in now and then.
Hopeful, I haven't looked at the stages in a while. I tried to plot it once, and each stage seemed to take years longer than posted. He was doing the typical replay activities a few years before he left. Pretty sure he knows I'd still take him back in a heartbeat. I actually think he can read the heartbreak in my face, and that kept him from seeing me. But the no contact on instant message has gotten stronger too, which leads me to think it's more than guilt now. My 180 has actually been to not ask him to come home, like I usually do, ...usually, is like once a year when I've seen him, but, every time I see him, as far as he's concerned. I will go back and read some of the posts on the stages. I do recall one is something like a lot less contact.
BTW, your bottom line, about same bed/no physical touch, I know it too well. We had 2-3 pillows each, in a king bed. He put the largest king size pillow between us, and would sleep with is arm around it instead of me. Kind of like a short body pillow! My heart goes out to you.
Might be a few, and a VERY FEW that came back after 2,3, or 4 years, but I haven't seen anyone after 7. I am sure there is a case or 2 out there where it has happened. I am quite sure there have been people who divorced and re-married several years later. Truth is, most who leave, don't come back. The chances of reunion are very slim, less than 10%. Its probably less than 5% but I will be a little positive.
actually I thought 70% of MLCers come back at one point or another. Usually it is whether or not the LBS is still around. I wouldn't be on this board if the stats were as bleak as braveheart suggests....
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
