GIMA - re: passing her and needing saving. Well, the reason I was able to forgive H for his affair is because I know first-hand the misery and worthlessness that leads one into an affair. And I hate, hate, hate that some of MY actions contributed to him getting to that affair-ready place, but I have to accept that they did. Does that absolve him of his accountability? Nope. But I understand all too painfully how he got there. Empathy. I hate to say it, but being miserable may give you more empathy for how she feels/has felt.

When I was feeling hurt, angry and blaming him, it got in the way of me being able to see what *I* was doing to bring things down, and what needed to change in *me* for it to work. So as much as the whole ordeal truly sucks, there's a large silver lining in the form of empathy, understanding and openness to personal change.

Last edited by Dia; 07/26/09 01:08 AM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.

My sitch - Divorce Busted!
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137