totally messed things up!!

[Kimmie Lee]

Do yourself a huge favor and forget the "honey and vinegar" analogy. It does not apply here.

Save the honey for people who truly love and respect you, not some WAW who will take advantage of you every chance she gets. Blow her off. You have better things to do than be her doormat.

[The Wifey]

Don't you dare send that text. Its a cowardly way to handle it.

Like I said she's called at least 6 times this morning most likely wondering if I'm going to fix car today.I've ignored the calls.

I've prepared a text preety much explaining that I can't do these things for her if she is in another relationship.I figured it was better than calling her and getting into argument.I haven't sent it yet.Its nothing nasty just pretty much explains that I am not going to be a doormat.I do have my pride.

Calmly tell her that I didn't answer your calls because I was trying to figure out how to tell you that I can not work on your car. While there is OM in your life I just can't bring myself to do it.

I've pretty much said do not call anymore until you can figure out what you want in your life.Any feedback?

Oh right, and in about 48 hours after that (or sooner) you will be on here regretting you ever said that.

Come on now. Take your b*lls out of her purse, and calmly tell her that I just can't do this for you. I love you, I care about you and want you to be safe, but I just can't help you with this.

That says exactly what you were going to text in a less-hostile way.

[wolverine1997]

You will have to decide which way to go. But if you do decide to fix the car make sure that you do it on your time and schedule. You can be the bigger person if you like, but don't be a sucker or sap. Don't allow her to use you. Will you charge her for parts or labor or will you do it all for free? Will you allow her to hang out in the pool or wait elsewhere? You have to decide, but you also have to stay within the boundaries that you set.

[Eye of the Tiger]

well i told her i couldnt fix them while sehe was in another relationship.I told her i loved her and cared about her and if there was an emergency that i would be there.She pretty much said fine,i wont ask u for anything anymore.Dont call me and i wont call you.I feel like i took a stand for myself.She said she would find someone else to do them.I told her i wouldve fixed them if there wasn't someone else in the picture.oh well.

[wolverine1997]

You will feel better about yourself for doing this. You made a stand and she has to respect it.

[Eye of the Tiger]

Thanks.I know I made the right decision.Just kinda feel lousy right now about doing it.I'm just wondering if she is actually going to respect me for doing this or if I just drove her further away.

[wolverine1997]

Either way, you will respect yourself. And think about it, can she really be any further away than she is now? Whether she respects you or not you have no control over, but she will respect your position.

[Eye of the Tiger]

Thank you.

[Eye of the Tiger]

question:What my WAW is going thru sounds very much like a MLC.As with other problems in life when you read about it sometimes you understand more.Is there a good book on MLC's that the person going thru it can read to maybe understand more of what they are experiencing.I know by telling w she she is going thru MLC would probably not be good.After all I am not an expert on the matter.She will not believe anything I am saying.But if she read about it maybe she would understand more.By the way after the blowup before she said she still wants a separation.I know she is doing this more for me than for her but I guess its still better than a divorce.

[K4D]

Take the separation. It buys you time.

Kevin