Trying to stay strong

[mnt_dreams]

You sound really good! I'm happy for you about the essays... with everything going on, you were able to focus and pass! That's awesome!!

I agree with your thoughts about being comfortable being by yourself. It's important for our growth.

Have fun with your craft project!

[hopeful_cb]

I have been handling things pretty good the last few days. Then I came across something tonight that reminded me of everything and really hit me. So am having a hard time tonight. And feeling angry.

The last time I saw H, he said to me 'I don't want to cut you out of my life, that is not what I am trying to do.' I know it means nothing, I wish I could stop thinking about it.

I haven't contacted him, last I heard was a text days ago. I don't really even want to talk to him, I have nothing to say, nothing good anyway.

I know I will eventually be ok, I am just sad for the way things are and I don't know if that will ever go away.

[kara]

Congrats, Hopeful!

I am so glad that you passed your essays. It would have been a shame if your sitch affected your studies negatively after all the hard work you were putting in.

Your sauna and workout sounds good! Taking notes... I have never tried a suana, so I willl put it on my list.

I went to a fabulous concert last night with a group of friends.It was so much fun, we kept asking "why don't we do this more often?".

Things are quiet right now with me. Still taking my classes at the gym. I have been treating myself to pedicures regularly and even got one of those fancy nail art designs on the big toes. It was great fun. Got a new haircolour which I didn't even know my hairdresser had tried until people started telling me how great my haircolour was. Then I realised that she had blended two colours together to get a new look throughout. I also had a massage.

I am also reading the Bible, praying and I think changing on the inside. Fighting frustration at times, to be honest but all in all I am being the best I can be. And it sounds as if you are too.

[hopeful_cb]

Ok so that feeling didnt last long last night. I didn't want to let it. I did some reading and got doing other things and got a good night's sleep. I am feeling better today. Back to being the best I can be (as you said!)

I want to plan in some more things for myself in the weeks to come. But have to keep the costs down as I'm trying to save money and its tight. I am taking your ideas of massage and getting my nails down, or other pampering type things.

I am getting back into the classes at the gym. The concert you went to sounds like fun. I will keep looking for new things to do and try.

I want to change my bedroom around some, at the very least get some new sheets and duvet covers, spruce things up, go for a new look. And I want to remove anything else that is H's from the drawers, cupboards etc. He obviously is in no hurry to do so himself or get his things. Just trying to decide about one photo in the bedroom if I want to take it down.

I continue to work on letting go, forgiveness, patience.
Moving forward....

[mac-ct]

Hopeful,

You got it lass!

The thing you need to concentrate on above all else is.....

Yourself.

You are the linchpin and it's vital that you do this. Everything else depends on you being in the best possible form.

The other "stuff" patience and forgiveness are tools you use from yourself.
Does that make sense?

How about - if you are "in the zone" it's so much easier to practice the other "stuff".

There's probably a reason why his things are still there. My W did the same thing for two weeks. I have a feeling that she was so unsure at the time and then something else went off in her head. No idea what. And then to my horror at the time, collected everything.

Don't rush things.

Everything comes to those that wait. NOW kick in with patience.

Hugs

Mac

[hopeful_cb]

Hi Mac, thanks for stopping by. and yes it does make sense, get myself in the best possible form and then use the 'tools' from there. Here's to working at staying 'in the zone' It would def make the rest easier to work at/practice.

There's probably a reason why his things are still there.

Yes thats true, however I think its just because he doesn't want to face the reality he has made and continues to 'run' from his problems not anything else positive....but that is complete mind reading! So will let that thought pass quickly.

I won't rush things(eventho 5 months doesn't seem like a rush, but I know its not my timeline), just need to keep working towards what is best for me. And I have been thinking about either moving or getting a roommate in to help pay for things. Part of me not wanting to do that is bc I'll have to force him to come remove everything or just sort it out myself. But I can't live in fear of what if's, I have to do what is best for me. So for now Patience

I just rearranged my living room! A friend helped me do the heavy stuff. I have been wanting to do that since H & I first moved in here and rearranged things. I am so glad I did it. Wouldn't think it makes such a difference but it does!

I got some really cute pics emailed to me today of my niece and nephew. I can't wait til I go to visit my family. only 3 weeks away now!!

Ok need to keep the PMA going into the week now. Focus on work and keeping busy GAL.

[mac-ct]

Hopeful,

It's always my pleasure to be welcome in your place.
Weird - just thought of that thing you guys have in the States at Airports "No parking in the red zone". Maybe that's my queue to get to sleep

The "he doesn't want to face the reality he has made and continues to 'run' from his problems" may be mind reading but it does make you think eh? I see a parallel with my ongoing sitch here.

5 months is a rush? Nah. Mine's been dragging for a mere 2 (not counting to much). 1st "break" (long time ago) was a whole 6 of the damn things. Bizarrely enough - she swanned back into my life with NO help from me whatsoever! Go figure.

Best for you = damn good idea. Stick with it.

I also moved some furniture today. What a coincidence. I did it because the big dog has lost her prized half eaten ball and is as miserable as sin And no it wasn't there. She's a dog. Dogs are supposed to find things.

Now that countdown is worth doing.

PMA is good!

Catch u tomorrow.

Nighty night one and all.

Mac

[hopeful_cb]

Mac you crack me up, hope your dog found the half eaten ball, wouldnt want her to be miserable any longer!

Today was pretty good. However all my appointments cancelled at work today so was pretty bored thru out the day, kept trying to find things to do! In my 'spare' time I was online and found a good source of GAL activities I am excited to check out!

Then I just hit the gym and did some food shopping(haha those 2 maybe shouldn't go together!). Now I'm super hungry and ready for my dinner. And while at the gym,I ran into someone I met once thru a friend so as part of my goal to make an effort to be friendly with I know but dont 'know', I stopped and said hi and talked for a bit.

Oh AND I just got the last of my other essay results (different ones from what I got sat) and I passed them both with good scores! Even better than the last results. So am feeling good about that.

[mac-ct]

Hey hopeful!

Ball buried in garden by little "sister" Jack Russell I 'recon. Let them sort it out during the day

Ooooof - cancelled appointments - dontcha just love 'em. I honestly hate being in the office due the the miserable fat-assed b$#@^rd colleagues who's aforementioned fat-asses are permanently glued to their chairs. Heaven forbid if they did any real work. Not coming across all bitter and twisted am I?

Go for the friendship. These are amongst the things you should cultivate and cherish. You have no idea how withdrawn I recognized myself to be not so very long ago. Been a blessing getting out and about. W's getting fed up I think - H has been seen here, H has been seen there. Shame. Hehehehe. All good stuff.

Congrats of the improved scores! Store all these good feelings up, savour them, swirl them about a bit and then spread them around. The best sort of "infection" I can think off.

Chin up - you're doing great!

Mac

[hopeful_cb]

I just got an email from H saying he has cancelled all the direct debits for all of my bills and rent today and let me know what they were.

I am angry as we had agreed to sit down and talk about this before he did it, but that never happened. And its going to put me in a bad place as all of this will need to be sorted before the bills go out in only a few days time, plus some other problems this creates.

I am about to email back

Hi
Thanks for the info.
I wish you would have talked to me about this before you did it, like we agreed.
Give me a call when you can to discuss the change over. As you know all of these bills will be needing paid in only a few days time since its the beginning of the month so please dont leave it too long. I dont want my rent to not be paid bc its last minute.

Does this sound too angry or too long? She I just call H myself? I haven't initiated any contact in over a week and was trying to stick to it?

Any advice?