I found out that my ex's mother has been wanting to call me at times and my ex has told her not to. She likes to take the kids to the movies and has called me in the past to do that. I have always said yes. I received a call from her a month or two ago, that would put it right around the time that my ex started to get help.
Part of me can't help but wonder if there is a little more to it than that. I know....I'm wasting my time with this one. Her mother knows some of what happened and in the beginning she confronted my ex. I did end up talking with her too much. It was one of the many mistakes I made. She did agree with me on many things, but ultimately there was nothing she could do either.
Two months post bomb she told me that she saw me making the effort to do the right things, and she noticed some changes in me. She sat my ex down at one point and asked her what she was doing to make things better and told her that she did not raise her to be this way.
I told my ex that her mother is welcomed to call me anytime.I'm actually looking forward to her calling. Not to speak about this, I found out that she has lost 50 pounds and is living a lot healthier now. I think this is great. I do miss talking with her. Again just about things in general NOT this.
The past is just that, I do see how time plays a huge role in this.
I have work to do. I feel I have a good understanding about this crisis. I had felt that I had forgiven my wife totally for what has taken place. Looking at this today, I realize I have not.
These past few months I have been short, distant, and cold toward her. I have work to do. It's not going to be easy, but this has to stop. I am bigger and better than this.
She has taken some very nice steps in the right direction. The last time she had been inside that church was when we were married. It had to be a difficult thing for her to go back. Does that mean anything at this point? For her yes. It is what it is though. I can't stop living, I must keep going forward. I see just how much a role time plays in all of this. I remember last fall thinking I had been at this for so long. LOL.
IF (and thats a big one) anything were to come of this relationship wise, I am still so far away. So a marching we will go. Where am I headed in that respect? "Who the hell knows." (cha ching Jimbo)
I will no longer live in a place of resistance. Force and fear have been replaced with faith. I just have to trust and go with it.
