I was thinking about what I wrote last time and I realized that Schnarck discusses it really well in passionate marriage. specifically page 349 (last bullet point) and the self-soothing strategies on p. 350 and also the "promote yourself" bullet point on p. 352.
basically it boils down to, "you break contact with your partner for brief periods of self-soothing, focusing on other interests to replenish yourself, and then renew your efforts to regain connection with your partner".
I was also thinking about how you wrote that BF brought up the topic. I can TOTALLY understand wanting to talk about that stuff if he brought it up. But I still think the operative words here are: proceed with caution. Even if he brings it up, you can still excuse yourself and take a break when things start to devolve.
And you've used this strategy before, in the very beginning! when you started to feel overwhelmed you excused yourself and went to the bathroom. this is the same thing, just that you can take breaks for longer periods of time.
