First Timer

[wolverine1997]

Wife put clothes in the washer and left the house today only to come home and find that the drainage hose had come loose and flooded the laundry room which is upstairs near bedrooms. Water leaking through kitchen ceiling. Called insurance company and contractor. I letting wife handle most of this to try to get her involved in some household affairs. I usually do most things around the house. Maybe this will help to get her motivated and interested in our home again.

[wolverine1997]

Tried to engage wife in phone conversation today. Still won't say much. She will talk a little more on the phone than in person though for some reason. After about two or three minutes of yes and no answers and not saying much I usually tell her that I have to go and do something. I think that I might start planning a few things to talk about to try and get her to talk more.

[wolverine1997]

Things have been really tough lately. I know I'm not supposed to talk relationship talk but have been having a strong desire to do so recently. I really just want to give her an ultimatim but I know that that probably isn't the best thing to do. So far I have been staying the course and trying to act as if. We'll see what happens.

[wolverine1997]

Made a HUGE mistake last night. I was feeling pretty down and lonely so I went out and shot a couple of games of pool alone while my wife and kids went to visit her parents. We all got home around the same time. My wife got undressed and went to bed in my daughter's room where she usually sleeps. I went into the room and laid on the bed next to her. I didn't say anything to her and didn't touch her, just laid there. She went nuts! She accused me of trying to start a fight. She then said that she doesn't want to talk to me and likes everything the way it is with us not talking or sleeping with each other. Then she insinuated that she wouldn't be putting up with this much longer implying that she would be leaving me?).

I tried to talk to her a little to calm her down but she wouldn't listen, she just got more upset. I appologized for getting her upset. She didn't care, she then left the room and went downstairs to watch TV. I went into my room and went to bed.

I know that I should not have done that and that I just validated her reasons in her mind. I took twenty steps backwards last night. Gotta get back on the horse and get going again. But it did teach me a lesson about pursuing. Just like the book says it doesn't work.

[wolverine1997]

Getting back to damage caused by washing machine. Should I ask her to pay for half of the deductible? I should ask her to pay it all since she is the one who ran the machine when damage occurred. I think her paying half is fair. I know that she can't afford it. But it will help her to see how hard it is to make it on your own. She wants so badly to be independent of me. She can start by paying this.

[sandi2]

I would like to ask you a question that you may find offensive, and offending you is not my goal here.....just wondering about something. Has anyone ever accused you of being passive-aggressive, or used that term when referring to you? I'll say more after you respond.

[Gardener]

Wolverine, I've been following along and regretably, my first post is 2x4, but I gotta swing away

Made a HUGE mistake last night....My wife got undressed and went to bed in my daughter's room where she usually sleeps. I went into the room and laid on the bed next to her.

Overwhelming and intimidating violation of her physical boundary, her space, her peace of mind!!!

I didn't say anything to her and didn't touch her, just laid there.

See Sandi2, above. This is a passive aggressive act which you dismiss with a passive aggressive statement : "I didn't do anything"

She went nuts!

She responded appropriately, understandably.

Sheesh, Wolverine, I'm livid just reading it... .

[wolverine1997]

No, I have never been called that before and I don't find it offensive that you ask. Why do you think that I am though? I realize that I should not have done it but I don't think that I had any bad intentions. I thought that she over-reacted. She has taken everything away in this marriage, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I believe it was more of a moment of weakness on my part. I've been thinking all day whether or not I should appologize again or just let it go.

[wolverine1997]

But maybe I am passive-aggressive. I've never thought about it. But if I am what can I do to correct it?

[wolverine1997]

So I guess looking at it from her standpoint I was being a jerk. But wasn't my behavior just a response to being treated badly in the first place? I don't want to make excuses, because if I was a jerk I'd like to know, but I've put up with a lot. I thought that my actions were a responce to loneliness.