WAS seeing reality?

[The Wifey]

Okay, lets take these one at a time:

Wifey, I have been living at my sister's house for the last 4 months I feel like I have already been embracing living alone.

You are not yet alone if you have your sister around.

I do stay up late and wake up late. I do what I want and then I look forward to seeing my kids.

What are your GAL activities other than looking forward to seeing your kids? Looking at the four walls doesn't count.

Getting an apartment just seems like one more nail in the ol' coffin.

No it isn't. The more independent you are the more you will grow. Your W will see you as less of a threat when you are in an apartment. I know that sounds odd, but its true. And what is the rush for the apartment? Does your sister want you out or are you tired of being with your sister?

The only thing that keeps me from going crazy at this point is my kids.

Then you are not ready to get your wife back. You have to detach, grow, become confident in yourself before you have a hope of any change in your relationship.

Even when it hurts so much, you have to be able to be her friend before you can be more. I know its not all you want and not what you want to work for. It seems like "is that all?" when you are going through it. I know. Been there and done that.

The basis of any good relationship is friendship. You have to be the best darned friend in the world before you can hope to be anything more.

I am excited about possibly meeting new people or having a neighbor that happens to be friendly and female grin Dont get me wrong, I love my wife with a true unconditional love,but having female friends would really help my PMA.

Always good to have friends. And it does feel good to have someone of the opposite sex find you interesting. But keep it clear you are only friends or don't go there at all. If you are truly wanting only your wife then act that way.

Thank you for the gift ideas too Wifey. But what do you mean about sharing details about my alone time with her? I thought going semi-dark was the way to go? I am losing track of my DB success/failures so I need some guidance there.

Did you notice the "slyly" I had in my original post. She will be curious about you. As you change and grow she will wonder what is going on with you. That is why you will see people advising each other to be mysterious.

Photos with the kids with glimpses of you happy, doing activities, having fun, at parks, at different locations are a sly way to give her just a glimpse in a sly way without pursuing.

I can't tell you how many times H asks about things in photos. Its a non-threatening way to get a non-relationship conversation going. When was the last time you had that kind of conversation that didn't involve the kids?

Forgot to mention that my wife did offer for me to eat dinner at home last night,but I cooked the dinner for the kids before she got home. When she got home I was cleaning up the mess I had made while cooking and she asked if I had eaten. I said no. She asked why? I said I did not want to eat up all of the left overs. While I was finishing up the dishes she offered one more time for me to eat some of the dinner I made, I declined politely.

Why did you decline? She asked more than once. Would not have hurt at all. Act normal, calm, controlled, just listening and enjoying your family's company.

My youngest daughter wanted to go outside so my wife went upstairs to change into some walking clothes. My oldest daughter came downstairs and asked if I wanted to go on the walk with them! So I thought it was ok with my wife...turns out my dughter had not asked my wife first. She said ok but once we started the walk I could tell my wife was not happy about it.

Ummmm, so? She wasn't happy. Hmmm, is this something new? Late-breaking news you weren't privy to? Oh, that's right she already dropped that bomb. Your daughter asked you so you go along and talk with your D. W can sulk if she wants. But she can also see you being a great Dad to your D. Cognitive dissonance. Look it up.

I decided to go back to the house and cut the grass.

Well, at least you did make yourself useful.

Now, should I have stayed and forced her to be a family with me or was it the right thing for me to go back home? I felt I was taking her time alone with the girls away from her.

Consider that maybe you were over-thinking this one. How in the heck was happening to walk with them forcing her to be a family? And you went because your D asked. And if she didn't want you to go she should have spoken up. She didn't. Big girls know to say what they do or do not want.

Should I even be cutting the grass? What if her love language is acts of service? Thanks!

How about you mow the lawn because it is the right thing to do and one less thing for her to have to worry about. Even if she doesn't thank you, which I would bet she will eventually, she is watching you and this is nothing but goodness and giving.

Have you read The Five Love Languages?
If you have re-read it and try to figure out what her love language(s) is. Whatever it is, you need to know.

I hope that book didn't bore you, but I tried to be as clear on each of your points as possible.