Hey Stuck, thought I better come check on my friend. I am always reading your posts on other threads, and they are good advice.
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Orich's case is the perfect example. His W tells him she doesn't want him to be mad at her, etc. How controlling can that be? Same thing happened to me. But they turn around and call the LBS controlling. Crazy talk I tell you.
Some WAW’s want to maintain a certain level of R with their H’s when still living under the same roof. I think their idea R would to have H as her friend and yet be free to have A’s. Unrealistic? Of course! But, most of the WAW’s thought process is unrealistic. That is why I have to take each stitch here on the board and think about “how” a man should respond to his WAW. You see, in my case….if my H had acted all buddy-buddy with me and as if he were my BFF and gave me his blessings even though he knew about my EA/OM, … then I would have had it made! That was not the case and he informed me that we would not live on the buddy-buddy system. What he meant was that he intended to be my H and not a “friend” for the rest of our M life. Now, don’t go jump your W’s bones just b/c I said that (lol) b/c my H has been the most patient man I have ever known, but he let me know where he stood that day when he told me all of that. I hope I’m not talking in circles and getting anyone confused.
Stuck, I will tell you, as before, and any of the other men reading…..if your WAW has had plenty of time to get through her grieving or the “grass is greener” syndrome, and you feel that she should be showing a considerable amount of more sexual needs toward you, and yet she isn’t….I really think it could be a sexual hormone deficiency. I’m not trying to put all the WAW’s in that category just b/c I discovered about my own hormone problems, but it is so wide spread and so many women do not have that information. They have no idea what a difference it makes in her body. When her natural hormones are not producing what she needs, then it causes problems that she tries to compensate for but it is not the same. That is one reason that she’s vulnerable to walking out on her M (IMHO) and falls to the flirtation of OM. When those “false chemicals” began to flood her brain and she suddenly has those old familiar feelings that use to be her natural hormones…..it is fantastic!!! She doesn’t want to lose it ever again! But, it doesn’t last. Some WAW’s are very depressed and like any addict, they go seeking to find that “feeling” again.
Anyway, I just wished your W could find a doctor who was into the bio-identical hormones b/c it makes all the difference in the world. Even young women can have a deficiency in her hormone levels. If a woman has no sex drive…that is a pretty good indication that something is not normal.
Has your W shown any “flirty” ways with you? That is usually how women will act if they are interested in having sex. When it has been a very long time for the couple and the LBH’s self-esteem has been hurt and he’s waiting for the W to initiate sex, he may be waiting for her to come on stronger than she’s able to do the first time. Not knowing your W…I can’t judge, but I wonder if she’s thinking that you need to indicate that you still desire her after what she did. How does she respond to you flirting with her? If she does NOT respond to you flirting, then she’s not ready for sex (IMHO) But, as I’ve told you before (I think)…don’t wait until an hour before bedtime to turn on the charm. Women want that charm up in the daytime b/c if you wait till time to go to bed, she feels as if you are manipulating her to get sex. She wants charm, flirting, sexiness….the whole nine yards….all the time. That’s not too much to ask is it? (lol)
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
