I wanted to let you know that I have not deserted you. I started to reply several times and thought it would be best to let the LBS try to comfort you. I wished your W would get her head out of the fog and see what a great guy she has. Some day, it will eat her up what she did to you. I was looking at my H yesterday when he fell asleep watching TV. He was so tired and didn’t feel very well. I began crying thinking about what I did to him. How in the name of God could I do that to a man as “good” as my H?

Sweetie, I would never in a million years have believed that “I” would have EVER thought about another man. To actually “do” that was never in my heart………as you said about your W. However, when I was unhappy in my M, I did “fantasize” about meeting somebody else or living a different life. You know…the “grass is greener” syndrome. I had that on & off most of our M life. Not a good place for a person to be.

If your W’s friend is not OM except in her mind…that is still very serious. Maybe she would never have considered having an A before, but people change and people do things they would never have thought possible. Beware and as the saying around here goes….."hope for the best and prepare for the worst".
When you said this, I just shook my head. You are such a “nice guy” and can’t seem to help yourself:

Quote:
“I wanted to assure her right off the bat that I wouldn't screw her, I wouldn't intentionally hurt her as revenge. I then told her that I had some thinking to do before I respond to it.”


Did you ever think that she needed to worry about what you would do? She needed to worry about how you would react to her letter, but as usual, you rescued her from any of that concern. She has placed herself in this situation and now she must suffer the consequences of her choices. Stop recuing her from bad choices. Just as a parent has to step aside to let the child learn from his/her mistakes….you have to do this with your W.

You once said that you did not want your W to see the “police officer” side of you that you have to project at work, but I am of the opinion that is exactly what she needs to see. Be that tough cop when the situation calls for it.

After you told about her having been M once before and then meeting you over the Internet, I am wondering if the “newness” of this R has worn off and she is chasing after that “in love” feelings that often go along with new R’s.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!