K4D Rising #4

[The Wifey]

I'm just having a bad day for some reason. Things feel hopeless today.

Kevin, you will have hopeless days. That is when you hit your knees and you pray to God to let him know you need his help. The burden of the pain will hold you down until you do. Let go and let God is more than just knowing the statement, it really and truly is telling him that for today, you are finding it too hard to handle and you need him to do the heavy lifting. If you do, he will.

It seems that every day that goes by with no contact, there is less chance of things working back towards a reconciliation. I sometimes wonder if she even thinks about me anymore. I can't imagine she does. She just seems so intent on having fun and finding that next person that I am an after thought.

Honey, I promise you she does think about you. No one can be in your life, fall in love with you, marry you, bear your children and then just forget. Do you think for one minute she is going to tell you that? Do you think she is going to show you one minute of doubt right now?

As far as having fun - right now that is her intention. That is the fantasy she wants and what she is trying to live right now. Something comes to mind about be careful what you wish for. It won't live up to her fantasy. Moments of fun without true love and meaning behind them get old.

I think often about my h, that wanted to be his own man, and figure out himself, living with his parents and spending most of his nights sitting in a tiny 8x10 bedroom watching movies on his laptop. Every time he comes here and watches a movie in the lounge chair with the surround sound and a cold beer I can see the wheels turning.

And you are making an awful big pronouncement about there being less chance every day. Have you heard of the self-fulfilling prophecy? What you focus on is usually what will happen.

Can you, instead, picture the day that your wife says she wants to try. Can you imagine what it will look like? What will it feel like? How happy will your kids be? Will it be at the house or out somewhere. Will you be at a nice restaurant or a local park.

Thank God every day for his work and help in restoring your marriage. Believe and focus.

Where is my patience today. Some days my faith is stronger than other days.

Do not equate impatience and longing with a lack of faith. Faith is between you and God, and the rest you rely on him for. Have you prayed for your wife? I really mean that.

Not just pray that she will come back, but pray for her clarity of thought, her happiness, her safety? Do you pray for her to be the best mother she can be? Do you pray for the Lord to bring her all the wonderful blessings she deserves.

And yes, no matter what has happened, you should.

I get to see her for a few minutes each week when we exchange the kids.

And what does she see in those moments? Do you ask how she is? Do you ask about her with true interest? Do you ask if there is anything you can do for her? Are you not only acting as if, but truly shining? Is your house spotless, children dressed and prepared, you looking good, confident, happy to see her, even it is for just moments?

I guess I don't want to be in the position of having to wait for years for progress to be made even though I know it is not in my hands. I will wait. I just badly don't want to.

What you want versus reality. How much do you love her? I picture POW's sitting in some far off jail trying to keep the faith. They could do it. They did do it. Do you love her enough to keep the faith. Kevin, this is reality, really it is.

I believe you are strong enough. I believe you can be the man she needs in her life. It is up to you to pull through and not tell, but show her that you are all she will ever need.

Kevin, I have to add one more thing. I resisted like heck everyone's suggestion to get on AD's. For months and months I refused to even consider it. But I am now on Welbutrin and recently added Zanax for anxiety. Mostly because of peri-menopause, but I am thankful I did.

Simply put, even if I have to have the medication to help me control my emotions right now - it has helped me. Controlling my sadness and anxiety has helped me, and let me help my H. I would strongly urge you to visit your Dr and give them some thought.